Do You Suffer From PMDBS? It’s Okay, You’re Not Alone

Pretty as a cookie; smart as a cupcake

Do you suffer from high expectations for Mother’s Day, only to be disappointed year in and year out? Do you think you’ll get breakfast in bed, macaroni art, and a trip to Paris? Le sigh. I get it. I, too, suffer from Post Mother’s Day Blues Syndrome (PMDBS). Symptoms include: ridiculous standards but fuck you because I deserve this, phenomenal letdown that can only be equated to the time when your hair stylist most definitely made you look like fat {Read More}

The Corner House

house in Connecticut

I took my first foray into online dating the other day. I seriously nearly shat myself just downloading the app. It just feels so creepy but I felt like it was time. I’m not sure why I gave myself some sort of time ultimatum but apparently I had. “This is just wrong,” I thought. “Judging people on a few words and five photos. How shallow.” Before five minutes passed, I was swiping left and judging with wild abandon. “Is that {Read More}

Why I’m Not Giving Up Complaining For Lent

bad days

Shhh … do you hear that? It’s the sound of sanctimony hitting Facebook in 3, 2, 1…Lent is coming, sinners! I kid, I kid, as I still believe in religion and its rites, rituals, and practices despite my current status as a fallen away Catholic. I’m floundering a bit or, I guess you could say, sans religion. But I’m still a big believer in God and spirituality and treating others as you’d like to be treated, so that ought to count {Read More}

15 Parenting Tips You Won’t Hear at Baby Showers

Best. Invention. Ever.

You know how at baby showers you’re often asked to put down your best parenting advice for the new mom-to-be? We all put down really lame stuff like “Sleep when the baby sleeps” and “Take lots of photos!” Cut the crap, people. Let’s get real with these friends. Here are some pearls of wisdom that new parents and, in particular, moms can actually use: Do not—under any circumstance—smell your kids’ clothes to see if they are dirty, particularly if they’re {Read More}

10 Highlights from The Bachelor Premiere: The Curse of the Red Dress

Nick Viall

Nick Viall – the man who ruined The Bachelor. Can it be? Can he and his country club accent (Where do you shummer?) ruin the show that has been my guiltiest pleasure since Justin Bieber had a hairless peenie? I hope not but last night I yawned at least 20 times during the season premiere. This is usually the crown jewel of the show, with ABC parading a host of mentally unstable women before us to point and laugh. The {Read More}

Diary of Christmas Morning With Kids

boys_xmas-tree

4:45 You hear them stir in their beds and begin to giggle. You let one eye open to see what ungodly hour it is and threaten them with morning homework and de-pooping the yard if they don’t go back to bed. 5:15 More giggling. You know it’s Jesus’s birthday but only the anti-Christ would get up this early. “Five more minutes,” you yell, disgusted by the pathetic pleading sound you can hear in your own voice. You debate smothering your {Read More}

The Trump Non-Apology

we-can-disagree

On the night of the election, I said “Please let love win.” I was a bit embarrassed to put that out there, as I knew hardcore political people would scoff at it. I mean, this is an election, not a touchy-feely friendship contest. I’ve only recently gotten political, which I’m sure some Facebook friends find hard to believe based on my fervor. I hated Political Science and would simply memorize the answers to get a good grade – not to {Read More}

I’m Good at Love

dec-bday

My dad once asked me why I like to refer to myself as such a “hot mess mom” on here. “Isn’t that kind of embarrassing?” he asked. I guess it is but I’ve always been like this. Always. For better or worse, I am an open book. In graduate school, I have distinct memories of my supervisor (in my counseling psychology program) telling me, “Marnie, it’s okay to share some things about yourself, but you really don’t need to share {Read More}

Food, According to Kids

Gee, Doc, I'm not sure how that noodle got there...

You might have seen the story recently about the school in which teachers dared to throw away the food items they deemed “unhealthy”. “Oh, HELLLLLL NO,” many of us exclaimed while sitting at our computers in our pajama pants (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Do these people even know the daily struggle we go through to pack things that our kids will even eat? Do they!? THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. For those who don’t understand, here is a {Read More}

I Was Grabbed By The P*ssy, Mr. Trump, and I’m Forever Haunted

me

This, by far, will be the hardest piece I’ll ever write. Much harder even than my post on divorce. I am crying as I even begin to type it. I have never wanted to write about it until now for fear of the repercussions. What I’m talking about is assault and sexual harassment. I guess the reason I’ve been so afraid of writing about it until now is that I dared to sue my assailant years ago, and when I {Read More}