The Benihana Experience: Parent POV

Pre-bill pasted-on smile

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror before getting out of the car. “You’ve got this,” you tell yourself. “You’ve done it a million times before. YOU CAN DO THIS.” Enter Benihana.  The smell hits you first, like the initial panic you feel when entering a Bikram hot yoga studio. One part acrid animal flesh searing on a hot hibachi grill. One part parent fear and loathing. You face the fact that in a week and seven {Read More}

She

woman eye

She knew she was pushing her luck walking to her car alone after class. Her best friend—who usually walked with her—was home sick. She stuck to the well-lit parts of the street. It didn’t matter. She couldn’t believe it. After everything he’d said about women, minorities, the disabled, and grabbing women by their pussies, he was elected. She wasn’t wearing headphones, as that would have been too dangerous. Still, she somehow missed his steps behind her. Her first indication about {Read More}

10 Lice Moms We All Know

Meredith The Office

Our kids have been back in school for a month or so and, in school math, that’s about 30 days for parasites to throw a party in which they all raise a glass and chime in, “It’s on like mother-friggin’ Donkey Kong.” And once you get lice for the first time you know that there ain’t no party like a lice-throwin’ party. We all know that feeling of the lice letter in our hands and the subsequent and immediate itch {Read More}

To Olive, With Love

pug

You were the softest pug in history. Of course, what came with that was endless dog hair everywhere, but I always accepted it because you were well worth it. The veterinarians who came to help you cross over couldn’t stop petting you and commenting on the softness of your hair. One of them asked if I wanted to keep some, and I joked that I probably had enough around my place to make another you. I wish I had taken {Read More}

Non Self-Helpy Self-Help

kindness rocks

Let’s not talk about New Year’s resolutions anymore. While it’s a nice concept, these ideas we come up with for ourselves are often not sustainable. If I’m being honest, I feel the same way when someone tells me they’re going on a strict diet. Not to be Judgmental Judy, but wouldn’t it be better to make small and manageable changes on a daily basis that you can eventually make into a way of life? Jussayin’. If you’ve been following my {Read More}

2017: The Calm After the Storm

this too shall pass

For better or worse, this is the time of year when we begin to evaluate our lives. I noticed in my Facebook memories that I posted a lot of “Bye, Felicia” type jokes about 2016. The thing is, I feel way worse about 2017. Pfffft. I’m feeling very scorched earth if I’m being honest. The last two years have been filled with divorce, shitty ass friends who chose to look the other way when I was going through something awful, {Read More}

20 Things You Want to Say “No” to This Holiday Season

Christmas grumpy cat

It’s the most wonderful time of the year and all that shit. I kid, I kid, as I’m a Christmas junkie. I love the music, the smells, and the rationalization that wine is to be drunk every night in December to the point of Santa-level jolliness. But … now you knew a “but” was coming … there are things I wish I could say “no” to. Whether it’s mom guilt, a sense of obligation, or being a straight-up pushover, I {Read More}

For the Kids Whose Moms Were Killed by Gun Violence

Photo Courtesy of GoFundMe

This year has been utter shit for me. Not only have I gone through an ugly divorce, but I also lost nearly all my friends in the process. If I could tell you what happened to me at the end of our marriage that sent many people scrambling, your jaw would hit the ground. But I’ve learned that people don’t react the way you expect them to—not by a long shot. At the same time, I’ve found an inner strength {Read More}

Halloween for Parents in 8 Depressing Steps

halloween penguin skunk

I f*cking love Halloween. I really do. In years past, I’ve honestly had my costume planned before my two boys. I’ve always loved it, ever since college. I’ve been Edward Scissorhands, the Unabomber (admittedly in poor taste), Flo from Progressive, David Bowie, a cowboy junkie (play on words with needles in my arms – what!?), and many, many more. To me, there’s nothing better than that moment when you think of a costume that is going to make someone laugh {Read More}

The Power of Hug-asana

Screen Shot 2017-10-02 at 12.42.49 PM

“I’m a comedy writer,” I tell myself daily. I love comedy. I love to laugh. My boys and I laugh until we cry many days. But the harsh truth of the matter is that it’s often masking the inner turmoil inside – depression has been my faithful companion for years and anxiety is simply a piece of me at this point – another appendage. Most comics struggle with addictions and depression so it’s not that surprising, but I wish I {Read More}