10 Yoga Poses And Their Accompanying Sadomasochistic Thoughts

yoga Savasana

Yoga has become ubiquitous. Everyone seems to be doing it, talking about it, and/or touting the comforts of its clothes (thank you for changing the face of school pickup, yoga pants). I happen to think it’s the bomb.com, and have found that it has changed my life for the better in many ways. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have fleeting thoughts about wanting to punch the instructor in her Mula Bandha. Or that some of these poses should be {Read More}

Passive Parenting — Don’t Knock It Until You’ve Tried It

gif_cool mom amy poehler

Sheryl Sandberg tells us to LEAN IN. Parenting experts want us to be HANDS ON. I’m here to tell you, letting yourself lean back and be hands off every once in a while is like a wine sundae smothered in awesome sauce. Can I get an internet high-five for passive parenting? The last couple of weeks have been so shitty for me. I have some sort of respiratory virus that is holding my body for ransom, and no matter how {Read More}

This Old House (A Love Letter)

finn_baby back wall

Home ownership hasn’t always been what it’s cracked up to be. Of course, it’s the goal. The be-all and end-all for new couples and even for singles looking for a solid investment. As we’ve all said before, paying rent, month after month, can feel like you’re throwing your hard earned cash out the window. But then something breaks. Or a lot of things break. And it doesn’t happen in threes. It happens in fucking tens, people … at least in {Read More}

10 Differences Between a Mom Car and a Dad Car

packed trunk

I’ve written about parent cars before but, ever since my husband got a new car, it’s become clear to me there is a VERY CLEAR distinction between the MOM CAR and the DAD CAR. Tell me if you can relate: 1. MOM CAR: You will do everything short of greasing your car with Crisco to fit in the parking spot you want. DAD CAR: Will only be parked at the farthest part of the parking lot, usually crooked so as {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Watching The Bachelor Finale: Juan Pablo Has No Soul

Juan Pablo wink

If Juan Pablo and Justin Bieber were swimming in shark-infested waters, how much chum would you throw in? If Juan Pablo died in a sudden car accident and his heart went to another person, would that person die of coldheartedness by proxy? Did Clare and Nikki set the women’s movement 500 or 1,000 years? Is honesty supposed to feel like someone spewing acid in your face with a flare gun? So many questions, so little time, too many “Issss okays.” {Read More}

If Dr. Seuss Were A Cranky, Overtired Mom With a Potty Mouth

Dr. Seuss hat

It was Ted Geisel week at my son’s school this past week. Oh yeah, that’s Dr. Seuss for all those who weren’t required to learn a fact about the famous author. I love that lyrical gangster as much as the next gal but never realized they made such a huge deal about him in school. I thought I’d give rhyming a whirl, Dr. Seuss-style … yet with my own demented, profanity-laced twist. If you’ve ever undergone a major battle getting {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Watching The Bachelor: Women Tell All

Kelly The Bachelor

Hey, Juan Pablo. The Jerk Store called — they’re out of you. BURN! I almost felt bad for the guy last night … almost … as the heavily made up and bitchiest batch of women to ever hit those “Women Tell All” seats picked him apart like a pack of rabid coyotes. If you channeled the bitterness in that room, you could solve the energy crisis lickety split. MEOW! I still picked up on some observations that made me giggle, {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Watching The Bachelor This Week (February 25)

Juan Pablo and Andi

Wow, America HATES Juan Pablo. That guy’s going to get less post-show poontang than … well, frankly, anyone. Don’t worry, ees OK, Juan Pablo. Just kidding. It’s not fucking OK! Without further adieu, here are the 10 things I learned from watching The Bachelor this week (which is a total joke because it’s a fact that watching Juan Pablo talk automatically detracts 1,000 I.Q. points): 1. Sure, she wanted him to ask her questions. Sure, she wished he wasn’t a {Read More}

The Story of the Kindergartner and the Most Improved Hot Mess Mom

World's okayest mom meme

A friend of mine from school was over one day, and we got talking about becoming parents. “I always knew I’d be a good mom,” she said frankly. “Oh, really? Not me,” I replied. “Why do you say that?” she asked. “Because I’ve always been a hot mess for as long as I can remember. So I never assume I’ll be good at anything,” I told her. It probably sounds shocking and somewhat depressing, but it’s true. And I joke {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Watching The Bachelor This Week (Warning: Gross)

Clare talking to juan Pablo on The Bachelor

Someone needs to clear my schedule, as I clearly don’t have enough time to give The Bachelor the top status it deserves. That said, Juan Pablo runs about as deep as the snow here in San Diego, so there continues to be little to say from week to week. So here goes 10 Things I Learned From Watching The Bachelor This Week: The chemistry between Andi and Juan Pablo is agonizingly bad. It was almost as painful as that one-piece {Read More}