8 NextDoor Scenarios You’ll Surely Recognize

outrage gif

The NextDoor App. Sorry to date myself, but this is the technical version of Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched. It’s every nosy neighbor’s wet dream. It’s carte blanche to be over-involved in one another’s lives and people are eating this up like it’s a hot fudge on a goddamned Twinkie. “Just trying to be helpful!” one woman exclaims, while taking a photo of her neighbor’s dog poop before the steam has a chance to rise. Sure you are, Karen. Sure you {Read More}

5 Food Substitutions That Will Make You Sadder Than Turkey Bacon

Photo Cred: @tragicallyhere

New year, new you. Out with the old, in with the new. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. As we reach this ultra-depressing time of year when we can no longer justify eating pumpkin pie for breakfast, drinking until our significant others are hot, and we’ve cried salty tears into our holiday decoration storage bins, it’s time to reform our gluttonous ways. Who’s with me? Can I get a virtual high {Read More}

The Benihana Experience: Parent POV

Pre-bill pasted-on smile

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror before getting out of the car. “You’ve got this,” you tell yourself. “You’ve done it a million times before. YOU CAN DO THIS.” Enter Benihana.  The smell hits you first, like the initial panic you feel when entering a Bikram hot yoga studio. One part acrid animal flesh searing on a hot hibachi grill. One part parent fear and loathing. You face the fact that in a week and seven {Read More}


woman eye

She knew she was pushing her luck walking to her car alone after class. Her best friend—who usually walked with her—was home sick. She stuck to the well-lit parts of the street. It didn’t matter. She couldn’t believe it. After everything he’d said about women, minorities, the disabled, and grabbing women by their pussies, he was elected. She wasn’t wearing headphones, as that would have been too dangerous. Still, she somehow missed his steps behind her. Her first indication about {Read More}

10 Lice Moms We All Know

Meredith The Office

Our kids have been back in school for a month or so and, in school math, that’s about 30 days for parasites to throw a party in which they all raise a glass and chime in, “It’s on like mother-friggin’ Donkey Kong.” And once you get lice for the first time you know that there ain’t no party like a lice-throwin’ party. We all know that feeling of the lice letter in our hands and the subsequent and immediate itch {Read More}

To Olive, With Love


You were the softest pug in history. Of course, what came with that was endless dog hair everywhere, but I always accepted it because you were well worth it. The veterinarians who came to help you cross over couldn’t stop petting you and commenting on the softness of your hair. One of them asked if I wanted to keep some, and I joked that I probably had enough around my place to make another you. I wish I had taken {Read More}

Non Self-Helpy Self-Help

kindness rocks

Let’s not talk about New Year’s resolutions anymore. While it’s a nice concept, these ideas we come up with for ourselves are often not sustainable. If I’m being honest, I feel the same way when someone tells me they’re going on a strict diet. Not to be Judgmental Judy, but wouldn’t it be better to make small and manageable changes on a daily basis that you can eventually make into a way of life? Jussayin’. If you’ve been following my {Read More}

2017: The Calm After the Storm

this too shall pass

For better or worse, this is the time of year when we begin to evaluate our lives. I noticed in my Facebook memories that I posted a lot of “Bye, Felicia” type jokes about 2016. The thing is, I feel way worse about 2017. Pfffft. I’m feeling very scorched earth if I’m being honest. The last two years have been filled with divorce, shitty ass friends who chose to look the other way when I was going through something awful, {Read More}

20 Things You Want to Say “No” to This Holiday Season

Christmas grumpy cat

It’s the most wonderful time of the year and all that shit. I kid, I kid, as I’m a Christmas junkie. I love the music, the smells, and the rationalization that wine is to be drunk every night in December to the point of Santa-level jolliness. But … now you knew a “but” was coming … there are things I wish I could say “no” to. Whether it’s mom guilt, a sense of obligation, or being a straight-up pushover, I {Read More}

For the Kids Whose Moms Were Killed by Gun Violence

Photo Courtesy of GoFundMe

This year has been utter shit for me. Not only have I gone through an ugly divorce, but I also lost nearly all my friends in the process. If I could tell you what happened to me at the end of our marriage that sent many people scrambling, your jaw would hit the ground. But I’ve learned that people don’t react the way you expect them to—not by a long shot. At the same time, I’ve found an inner strength {Read More}