11 Things About Last Night’s Episode Of “The Bachelor”: Jimmy Kimmel, Social Lube

Is that a hot dog in your bikini or are you just happy to see me?

Jimmy Kimmel is like salt. Anything you add him to turns out better. Poor Chris Harrison, though. Nobody puts Baby in the corner, and he was definitely carrying Jimmy’s watermelon. While this week was not nearly as much of a shit show as last week, the crazy was still in high gear. Here are 11 things I noticed during last night’s episode of The Bachelor: 1. I’m starting to get a milquetoast-y vibe from Chris Soules. I wanted to think {Read More}

The Bachelor Recap: Show Me Your Cuntry

CHRIS SOULES, MACKENZIE, KIMBERLY, MICHELLE, TARA, TANDRA, ASHLEY I.

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fiery butt hair. Chris Harrison did not overstate the looniness that is the Chris Soules season. With drunks o’plenty, DumDums being dumb dumb, hoodies sans shirts, gratuitous outdoor shower scenes, and a few girls that I’m pretty sure are actually transgendered (not that there’s anything wrong with that), I nearly spit out my wine like ten times … nearly. This isn’t my first rodeo. Side-note to ABC: Whoever named that super redneck game of bikini {Read More}

The Bachelor Premiere: Tons Of Crazy Ass SoulesMates

bachelorette

Ladies, can I just start this off by saying of Chris Soules: HUBBA HUBBA. No wonder these girls are going bat shit cray over that delicious piece of tender, Iowa meat. And I’m a former Hawkeye, so I’m partial to cornfed men. He’s like a clean-cut, Midwestern version of Matthew McConnaughey and to that I say, “Alright, alright, alright.” ABC has my permission to add a spin-off that includes 30 minutes of Chris working out. Add to the dreamy nature {Read More}

A Gentle Christmas To You

Olive Finn Xmas

If you’ve watched the news lately, you might feel like downing a cyanide martini with an arsenic chaser. It takes a lot of will to have Christmas spirit in light of the world events. And then someone went and stole a giant box of gifts out of my car the other day (stupidly left car unlocked in my driveway). I’ve let this marinate for almost a week before posting about it because I wanted to examine my feelings about it. {Read More}

Moms: Can We All Just Cut Each Other Some Slack?

mom meme

I’ve been told I like to poke the bear. What can I say? Stirring the pot can be amusing, especially when I see people react so strongly about things that are so subjective in the parenting world. So when I saw a post on Scary Mommy recently about “6 Pieces of Unwanted Parenting Advice and How I’d Like To Respond,” I had a feeling there’d be plenty of know-it-alls in the comments section. Sure enough, the Judgy McJudgersons were out {Read More}

In Defense Of Christmas

christmas card idea 2013

Alright, folks, you know from my Halloween post that I take holidays very seriously. Like as if it’s my job serious. And you know what? I’m damn good at my job. I excel at holidays. I don’t deny myself that extra piece of pie or extra scoop of garlic mashed or that after-after-after dinner drink because it’s a holiday, people! You have one job, and that’s to enjoy yourselves. Don’t screw it up by scrimping, griping, and being a general {Read More}

10 Toys That Should Never Be Given To Young Boys

Kinetic Sand

I’ve already mentioned that my house is where toys go to die. My boys can break anything. Anything! It’s like they find it a challenge or something. They are also masterful separators. Nothing that comes together stays together for more than five minutes. The other night, I sat down on something sharp, only to find that a pawn in the Legoland game (we had only played it once) had gotten lodged up my buttcrack. So, yeah, they’re not good with {Read More}

The Almighty Birth Story

me_finn birth

If you hang with a group of ladies long enough, the conversation often turns to our birth stories. It makes sense, as birthing a baby is no small feat … ya know, that whole pushing a watermelon through a hole the size of a pea thing. C-sections are no less gruesome, unless you think having someone take out your innards and set them on top of you is the stuff of everyday life. We tell our war stories with pride, {Read More}

9 Of the Worst Halloween Costumes For Kids

"Look, we forgot Halloween … again."

Due to my two boys being fickle, little a-holes, I found myself selling costumes on Craigslist this week, which left me scrambling for last minute costumes. I spent a good deal online because just the acronym “DIY” makes my ass twitch. What I found were a few cute ones mixed in with about a bazillion abominations, and I’ve included the worst offenders here: Walmart’s Batman Child Dress-Up Costume This costume screams, “My mother doesn’t love me.” Ot it could be {Read More}

Why “Don’t Be A Tattletale” No Longer Applies

Photo credit: Ingenesist Project

I have this strange habit of reading really depressing things that have nothing to do with me, especially when I get insomnia (which is far too often). I once got up in the middle of the night and read a bunch of stuff on a fellow blogger who had died and, sadly, decided that we would have been best friends … had she not gone and died on me. I often find myself reading random obituaries off Facebook. And sometimes {Read More}