5 “Treats” To Avoid Handing Out This Halloween

Oh, hell no!

Halloween is just around the corner and, while it’s really for the kids, adults can enjoy this raucous holiday, too. You throw your kids in a stroller and your favorite spiked beverage in a coffee cup and mill about the neighborhood breathing in the crisp, fall air. Let’s face it, though—one bum treat as you make the rounds and it can really put a damper on the festivities. Not all Halloween candy is created equal, and we’ve shared 5 categories {Read More}

It’s In the Gaps

Declan dogs

Like the rest of America, I love the stuffing out of Amy Schumer and, thus, was not surprised that I loved the masterpiece that was Trainwreck. When a movie is that funny yet also strikes such a chord with audiences everywhere, it’s truly magical. I cried quite a bit in that movie, which is no big shocker to anyone who knows me, but one of the tear-inducing scenes might be a bit of a surprise. I cried during one of the final {Read More}

30 Facebook Buttons We’d Rather See Than “Dislike”

Facebook dislike

Much ado was made yesterday about the possibility of a “Dislike” button popping up on Facebook. I can tell you that many of us wish so-oo-oo-oo many other buttons would be given priority. I’ve shared 30 ideas we’d all prefer to see on Facebook more than the “dislike” button below: 1. Shut your piehole already. 2. Oh, the humblebrag again? Yawn. 3. Your food looks disgusting. 4. That’s amazeballs (NOT). 5. Stop saying “amazeballs” 6. Your mom 7. The Internet called to say, “SHUT THE {Read More}

10 Parenting Mistakes We’ve All Made

  Parenting is daunting. The most daunting thing about it is that you can prepare like you’re taking the freaking medical board exams and life will still throw you shit at you like that monkey with the weird ass at the zoo. YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES. We all do. My mom always talks about the time she forgot to strap my brother in on the changing table. He rolled off onto the floor and, instead of picking him up, {Read More}

10 Things That Could Go Wrong If Target Serves Alcohol

kristen wiig gif

Unless you’ve been caught under the shadow of Trump’s combover, you’ve likely heard that a Chicago Target store may soon be serving alcohol on site (and others may follow). Now, I luvz me some booze and I luvz me some Tarjay but something about this screams disaster for those of us mothers who look to this store as a refuge from our daily grind. Serving alcohol at Target could end badly for us…very, very badly, and here are 10 reasons why: {Read More}

12 Things I Learned From Last Night’s “Bachelor in Paradise”: Clare is Ancient

Cuckoo Clan

Bachelor in Paradise continues to exceed my every expectation in the Mindless TV category. Only The Walking Dead might compare in its ability to clench my butt cheeks, but zombies are a lot less scary than Clare Crawley after she’s been rejected. Shivers. Below are 12 things I took away from last night’s uber juicy episode: 1. Watching this show when you’re–ahem–39 is majorly depressing, as these folks consider Clare to be a fossil at 34. They are ready to put {Read More}

F*ck You, Tiny House Movement

bestie row

You guys have heard about the Tiny House movement, right? A wave of people have decided to shun the “big life,” including their McMansions, and spend their money on travel and other things instead. I love the idea, don’t you? And there are shows and articles about these people. The exterior of the houses often look like this: Totes adorbs, right? I mean, I like tiny things. Look at this lizard I just caught in our yard today: Don’tcha just {Read More}

11 Things I Learned From The Bachelorette: Men Tell All

(Rick Rowell/ABC)

After sleeping or texting through most of the episodes during this season of The Bachelorette, the Men Tell All finally made my buns tingle with glee. Gaffes were made. Insults were hurled. Innuendoes abounded. And Chris Harrison played the perfect role of straight man that he was born to play. SQUEE! Below are 11 things I took away most from this gloriously juicy episode: 1. You have to admit JJ was the star of the show last night. When Chris Harrison confronted {Read More}

The 8 Asshole Stages of Insomnia

squirrel meme

Because I fell asleep while watching The Bachelorette last night (there’s a first time for everything), and then woke up later with terrible insomnia, I decided to share the stages of insomnia I tend to go through, as I have a feeling they are pretty universal: Denial Much like the first stage of the grieving process, this is the first stage of my insomnia. I get up to go to the bathroom and it hits me that I’m not falling {Read More}

8 Things I Learned From Watching Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelorette”


Guys, I’m dying here. This season of The Bachelorette is slowly killing my spirit, especially since I touted beforehand that this would most certainly be the best season yet. Fuck you, Chris Harrison, and your empty promises. I haven’t been this disappointed in a show since The Sopranos finale. Bading badaboom-just go away now, Kaitlyn. You and your overused vagina are aboot to make me cry tears of pure and utter disappointment … which probably taste like Bud Light Lime. {Read More}