9 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelor”

ben higgins

Er. Mah. Gerd. The Bachelor is heating up despite Ben being about as edgy as a cotton ball due to the women going FULL CRAY. We’re talking stage five clingers here, folks. Here were my nine takeaways from last night’s doozy of an episode. What were yours? 1. If you chose to drink every time anyone said “amazing” or “connection” or “amazing connection” last night, you’ll be sicker than that time you thought it would be fun to drink an entire bottle {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode of The Bachelor

twins from The Bachelor

As per usual, the geniuses at ABC have found a sufficient amount of borderline insane chicks to make the show entertaining despite Ben being a giant piece of milqtoast-y poo poo. I can only hope that ABC asks the real Peter Brady to come on the show so he and Ben can f*ck with the girls on who is the REAL Ben Higgins. Maybe there is no real Ben Higgins! Have you ever seen him and Peter Brady in the room {Read More}

Things The Elf on the Shelf Would Say

elf porn

It’s that time of year again. You find yourself in one of three camps as a parent: The No Elf Family (mad props, yo). The Reluctant Elf Family (forgets to move the damn thing every day; this is my camp). And the Balls-to-the-Wall Family. This post is for you ballers, as the things you do with that elf are astounding and, frankly, a little disturbing. And, you know what, if the Elf on the Shelf could talk, I think he’d have {Read More}

A Modern-Day Lesson From St. Nick

christmas1

It’s the holiday season, with lights all aglow We can feel it in every person we know.   With our spirits up but our energy spent We picked out a restaurant and off we went.   I couldn’t believe as we walked right on through, St. Nicholas, himself, was seated there, too.   No fancy red suit or his famous reindeer But we knew it was him, as he sat oh-so-near.   We whispered and pointed though we tried not to {Read More}

Goop’s “Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts” List: LOLz

goopd_world view exp

Gwyneth Paltrow is so much fun to hate, isn’t she? I mean, the girl runs a lifestyle blog (majorly successful, I might add) without being in touch with anyone. On Earth. At all. Well, besides, maybe Madonna. I mean, the blog is called goop. Isn’t that just precious? She and her (I’m sure fahhhhhhbulously gay … not that there’s anything wrong with that) team of goopers came up with “The Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts” and I, for one, would just {Read More}

20 Emojis and What They Really (Should) Mean

nerd emoji

EMOJIS. Before I downloaded them a couple of years ago, I didn’t understand what the BFD was. I mean, if I need to express my happiness, I had my trusty “;-).” See, I’m even winking at you–how very cheeky of me! Alas, I decided to see just what the big deal was and, my oh my, I’ve never looked back. I’m truly addicted. I can’t even send a text without using one or it feels incomplete. I even went to {Read More}

Dear Boy Up the Street

Rystyn

Dear Boy Up the Street, I always hoped we’d find you–that friend who lives close to my boys and becomes an extended part of the family. When we first moved in, there were only old people on our street, and I thought my dream of my boys having this neighborhood buddy was all but squashed. Then you and your family moved in, and it changed everything. You go to my boys’ school, which is all the more fantastic. And, while {Read More}

5 “Treats” To Avoid Handing Out This Halloween

Oh, hell no!

Halloween is just around the corner and, while it’s really for the kids, adults can enjoy this raucous holiday, too. You throw your kids in a stroller and your favorite spiked beverage in a coffee cup and mill about the neighborhood breathing in the crisp, fall air. Let’s face it, though—one bum treat as you make the rounds and it can really put a damper on the festivities. Not all Halloween candy is created equal, and we’ve shared 5 categories {Read More}

It’s In the Gaps

Declan dogs

Like the rest of America, I love the stuffing out of Amy Schumer and, thus, was not surprised that I loved the masterpiece that was Trainwreck. When a movie is that funny yet also strikes such a chord with audiences everywhere, it’s truly magical. I cried quite a bit in that movie, which is no big shocker to anyone who knows me, but one of the tear-inducing scenes might be a bit of a surprise. I cried during one of the final {Read More}

30 Facebook Buttons We’d Rather See Than “Dislike”

Facebook dislike

Much ado was made yesterday about the possibility of a “Dislike” button popping up on Facebook. I can tell you that many of us wish so-oo-oo-oo many other buttons would be given priority. I’ve shared 30 ideas we’d all prefer to see on Facebook more than the “dislike” button below: 1. Shut your piehole already. 2. Oh, the humblebrag again? Yawn. 3. Your food looks disgusting. 4. That’s amazeballs (NOT). 5. Stop saying “amazeballs” 6. Your mom 7. The Internet called to say, “SHUT THE {Read More}