10 Things I Learned From Last Night’s “Bachelor In Paradise” Episode


Bachelor in Paradise could easily be called People With a Very Loose Grip On Reality Go Spelunking. Although I’m still as drawn to the show as Kim Kardashian is to ass selfies, I feel as though it needs to tread lightly here. As people start to couple up and stick to their commitments, the show risks becoming a little bit boring for us regular folk. Do we really need to see our own ho-hum lives played out on national TV? {Read More}

One Mom Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: My Summer Diary

gif_wine bottle

If you’ve been following my blog this summer, you know that my time at home with the boys has mostly sucked giant gorilla testicles. I was thinking about it, though, and it didn’t really start that way. I had a lot of hope, and then life happened. So I thought I’d share a little diary with you peeps on what has gone down at Hot Mess Headquarters. The summer started out as a juicy filet and ended up a giant {Read More}

Depression: The Autoimmune Disease Of the Mind

robin williams

I’ve seen so many great tributes to Robin Williams in the past 24 hours. I hope he knows how much he affected others in a positive way. That, despite his inner torment, the fact that he made people laugh was able to penetrate the immense sadness he must have felt and give him some sort of peace … even if only for a little while. In fact, peace is something those of us with depression rarely feel. I hate the {Read More}

10 Highlights From Last Night’s “Bachelor in Paradise” Premiere

Photo credit: Wetpaint Entertainment via Francisco Roman/ABC Television Group

The Bachelor in Paradise was as magical a train wreck as we all expected. Fake knockers, faux tans, and wife beaters led the way as folks coupled up faster than you could say, “STD”. One only has to hope that the salt water in Mexico kills sperm on contact. Otherwise, people will be getting knocked up by ocean proxy, and we do not need any little Chris Bukowskis running around. While the whole thing was positively captivating, I’ve shared 10 {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From The Bachelorette Men Tell All Episode

The Bachelorette

Photo credit: Wetpaint.com Holy hog balls, folks, that was one doozie of a “Men Tell All” episode. Man scarves and faux tans abounded but they left their hoodies at home. This is a special occasion after all. Considering I like Andi about as much as I like a scorching case of athlete’s foot, I was pleasantly surprised by that two hours of TV. Kudos, ABC. Kudos. In fact, I even learned quite a bit, and below I’ve shared 10 little {Read More}

PMS Is Real (P.S. We’re Out of Wine)

glass of wine

Warning: This post is NSFM (Not Safe For Men) Yesterday, the unthinkable happened in our house. My legendarily bad PMS collided with both of my boys’ worst behavior EVER to form an epic tsunami of parenting shit. It was the perfect storm. From the beginning of the day to the end, both boys were completely off. I knew things were going to go badly when I had to put my six-year-old in timeout in the morning, as he is usually {Read More}

The Bachelorette Fantasy Suite Recap: Blame It On Iowa


If you drank every time Andi Dorfman said “Iowa” last night, you were completely hammered. If you drank every time she talked about how much she hates Iowa, well – you’re dead. From alcohol poisoning. Sorry ’bout that! As a Hawkeye alum, I take particular exception to this blatant disdain and condescension towards a wonderful state. Hey, lady, this isn’t Siberia. It’s fucking IOWA. Between that and her gaping mouth, her incessant need to say, “stop,” and her annoying pity {Read More}

The Happy Children


“Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” You hear it everyday. Of course, it has oh so many perks, which is why so many of us dive into it regardless of this statement. We’re constantly tormented by our decisions and how they affect our children. While I love talking to other moms and using everyone as sounding boards (it does take a village, after all), I often end up leaving these group chats feeling like I’m dropping the ball. {Read More}

15 Things I Learned From My Son’s First Year Of School

Jack Black School of Rock

If you’ve been reading my blog this year at all, you know kindergarten caught me more off guard than the time a bird shat down my sunglasses. Our foray into “real school” was anything but smooth but, in the end, we’re all going to be okay (I think). Here are 15 things I learned from it: 1. After buying 25 pieces of posterboard, 4 boxes of tissue, 10 containers of Clorox Wipes, 20 snacks, 50 paper bags, 40 pencils, 25 {Read More}

News Flash! Celebu-babies Are Going to Grow Up And Be Gigantic Assholes

Wait til you see what's in the middle of the cake! It's the tears of clubbed baby seals!

In case anyone was wondering whether we are raising a bunch of self-entitled marshmallows, the answer is a resounding “yes.” It hit me when I read this article about the obnoxious milennials who have decided it’s okay to bring your parents to an interview. “Hi, It’s nice to meet you. Do you like my nice, firm handshake and direct eye contact? I’ve been working on them. Oh, and this is my mom and dad.” *PUNCH* It’s hard enough for regular {Read More}