10 Highlights from The Bachelor Premiere: The Curse of the Red Dress

Nick Viall

Nick Viall – the man who ruined The Bachelor. Can it be? Can he and his country club accent (Where do you shummer?) ruin the show that has been my guiltiest pleasure since Justin Bieber had a hairless peenie? I hope not but last night I yawned at least 20 times during the season premiere. This is usually the crown jewel of the show, with ABC parading a host of mentally unstable women before us to point and laugh. The {Read More}

Diary of Christmas Morning With Kids

boys_xmas-tree

4:45 You hear them stir in their beds and begin to giggle. You let one eye open to see what ungodly hour it is and threaten them with morning homework and de-pooping the yard if they don’t go back to bed. 5:15 More giggling. You know it’s Jesus’s birthday but only the anti-Christ would get up this early. “Five more minutes,” you yell, disgusted by the pathetic pleading sound you can hear in your own voice. You debate smothering your {Read More}

The Trump Non-Apology

we-can-disagree

On the night of the election, I said “Please let love win.” I was a bit embarrassed to put that out there, as I knew hardcore political people would scoff at it. I mean, this is an election, not a touchy-feely friendship contest. I’ve only recently gotten political, which I’m sure some Facebook friends find hard to believe based on my fervor. I hated Political Science and would simply memorize the answers to get a good grade – not to {Read More}

I’m Good at Love

dec-bday

My dad once asked me why I like to refer to myself as such a “hot mess mom” on here. “Isn’t that kind of embarrassing?” he asked. I guess it is but I’ve always been like this. Always. For better or worse, I am an open book. In graduate school, I have distinct memories of my supervisor (in my counseling psychology program) telling me, “Marnie, it’s okay to share some things about yourself, but you really don’t need to share {Read More}

Food, According to Kids

Gee, Doc, I'm not sure how that noodle got there...

You might have seen the story recently about the school in which teachers dared to throw away the food items they deemed “unhealthy”. “Oh, HELLLLLL NO,” many of us exclaimed while sitting at our computers in our pajama pants (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Do these people even know the daily struggle we go through to pack things that our kids will even eat? Do they!? THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. For those who don’t understand, here is a {Read More}

I Was Grabbed By The P*ssy, Mr. Trump, and I’m Forever Haunted

me

This, by far, will be the hardest piece I’ll ever write. Much harder even than my post on divorce. I am crying as I even begin to type it. I have never wanted to write about it until now for fear of the repercussions. What I’m talking about is assault and sexual harassment. I guess the reason I’ve been so afraid of writing about it until now is that I dared to sue my assailant years ago, and when I {Read More}

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Marnie.

Mama's Boys

Religion of the organized variety has been a sore subject for me for the past few years. I guess to explain why this is so I have to go into my background. I grew up Catholic, and pretty staunchly so. My parents didn’t try to scare me fire and brimstone style, but we rarely, if ever, missed mass. Of course, we went with wet hair and never got a seat because that’s just how my family has always rolled. We’ll {Read More}

Poop Water: A Story of Hot Tub Phobia

underwater

I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat. Well, a boat. Just one boat … anything to keep me from submerging. You see, I really enjoy being atop the water and water adjacent but, as summer comes to a close, I’ve decided to own that I have a pretty severe case of Hydrophobia, or fear of the water. When I was little, I would swim from morning until night, and would even complain when my mother would drag me out of {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelorette”

Chad

Let’s talk about sex, baby, and some dictators, of course. Because, well, The Bachelorette. Oh man, this season has it all. The villain who’s gotta vill. The mighty douchey underdog. And a sidekick Canadian. So much promise! But here’s what I learned from watching last night’s episode: 1. As if we couldn’t have laughed hard enough just watching Chad and Daniel grunt and groan as they lifted weights like Hans and Franz, Chad actually gave us this little gem: “I {Read More}

For the Love of the Game

Braves group

My oldest son has been playing baseball for years now, and the really special thing is we’ve managed a way to keep a few of these kids on the same team. It’s been amazing to watch them grow together and really gain an appreciation for the sport. But something really amazing happened this year. They got good. Like, really good, at a sport they love. Each of them seemed to grow in the off-season, and we were amazed to see {Read More}