12 Things I Learned From Last Night’s “Bachelor in Paradise”: Clare is Ancient

Cuckoo Clan

Bachelor in Paradise continues to exceed my every expectation in the Mindless TV category. Only The Walking Dead might compare in its ability to clench my butt cheeks, but zombies are a lot less scary than Clare Crawley after she’s been rejected. Shivers. Below are 12 things I took away from last night’s uber juicy episode: 1. Watching this show when you’re–ahem–39 is majorly depressing, as these folks consider Clare to be a fossil at 34. They are ready to put {Read More}

F*ck You, Tiny House Movement

bestie row

You guys have heard about the Tiny House movement, right? A wave of people have decided to shun the “big life,” including their McMansions, and spend their money on travel and other things instead. I love the idea, don’t you? And there are shows and articles about these people. The exterior of the houses often look like this: Totes adorbs, right? I mean, I like tiny things. Look at this lizard I just caught in our yard today: Don’tcha just {Read More}

11 Things I Learned From The Bachelorette: Men Tell All

(Rick Rowell/ABC)

After sleeping or texting through most of the episodes during this season of The Bachelorette, the Men Tell All finally made my buns tingle with glee. Gaffes were made. Insults were hurled. Innuendoes abounded. And Chris Harrison played the perfect role of straight man that he was born to play. SQUEE! Below are 11 things I took away most from this gloriously juicy episode: 1. You have to admit JJ was the star of the show last night. When Chris Harrison confronted {Read More}

The 8 Asshole Stages of Insomnia

squirrel meme

Because I fell asleep while watching The Bachelorette last night (there’s a first time for everything), and then woke up later with terrible insomnia, I decided to share the stages of insomnia I tend to go through, as I have a feeling they are pretty universal: Denial Much like the first stage of the grieving process, this is the first stage of my insomnia. I get up to go to the bathroom and it hits me that I’m not falling {Read More}

8 Things I Learned From Watching Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelorette”


Guys, I’m dying here. This season of The Bachelorette is slowly killing my spirit, especially since I touted beforehand that this would most certainly be the best season yet. Fuck you, Chris Harrison, and your empty promises. I haven’t been this disappointed in a show since The Sopranos finale. Bading badaboom-just go away now, Kaitlyn. You and your overused vagina are aboot to make me cry tears of pure and utter disappointment … which probably taste like Bud Light Lime. {Read More}

7 Things I Learned From Watching Last Night’s Episode of The Bachelorette

bachelorette kaitlyn shawn

Well, well, well … who knew our lil’ miss Kaitlyn would reveal herself to be Whorrey McHarlot? She’s been spreading her saliva and other bodily fluids around at a record pace this season, and it’s left everyone–including us–scratching our heads. You see, Hester Prynne du Bachelorette does more than dabble in some off-camera shenanigans and has apparently let all the men believe they are going to be the one to put the lid on her Mt. Vesuvius-like hormones. Tsk…tsk…tsk… who {Read More}

10 Games to Play With Your Kids Over The Long-Ass Summer


Well, it’s only been a couple of weeks and this summer has been so fun. And by “fun,” I mean a shit storm of AreYouFuckingKiddingMeWithThisAlready? I was right there with all of you moms with the lunchbox fatigue and all the signing of all the papers all the time. But come the hell on, now. These kids are tearing me apart already. Just in case you’re feeling it, too, I thought I’d share some ideas on games you can play {Read More}

The Importance of Throwback Thursday (and Flashback Friday)

Throwback Thursday. Who would’a thought such a thing would have had such a lasting effect? I thought for sure it was just a passing phase–a way for us to look back on when we had less wrinkles, less rolls, and didn’t have to have people take photos while standing on a stool above us as we angle our chins just so and then still put 17 different filters on that baby. I mean, that is one huge bonus of #TBT {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode of The Bachelorette: Welcome to Weenie World

This tie DOES look great with my shirt.

Forgive my absence this season thus far but I’ve been “oot and aboot,” as our girl Kaitlyn might say. I do dig me some Kaitlyn but she’s been a bit more of a snooze than I had hoped. I did have quite a few laughs at others’ expense last night, which is what you have to do when you watch The Bachelorette. I’m sorry, but it’s absolutely mandatory that you laugh AT these people lest you think any of this {Read More}

10 Asshole Kids We All Know

Photo credit: Imgoingtoblogaboutthis.com

I’ve written about asshole kids before. I know it seems harsh but, look, kids are inherently assholey. With all their immediate gratification and constant demands, it’s just in their nature. But some kids are more assholey than others and, if you’re like me and have spent time around them volunteering in the classroom and such, you might notice a sort of pattern. You might even have one living under your roof. I know I do. But, hey, kids can change. {Read More}