Dear Teachers

good teacher

Behold the power of teachers. It sounds like a cheesy ad but, as everyone knows, there’s no truer sentence or sentiment. I’ve had good and bad experiences with my own over the years. My high school Psychology teacher was so enthusiastic about the subject matter, I ultimately picked that as my college major. Talk about a powerful influence! I even remember the day I was hooked on the subject. He handed out fortune cookies and asked everyone who thought their {Read More}

The Bachelor Fantasy Suite (Somewhat Snoozy) Episode: 10 Noteworthy Moments

baby meme

Monkeys and virgins and Bali, oh my! It surely won’t go down as the raciest of Fantasy Suite episodes but a few chuckles were had in our household. Below, I’ve shared 10 of my faves. Feel free to share your own! 1. Becca seemed awfully afraid of becoming Patient Zero with some sort of funky monkey virus but she forgets – she slept in the Bachelor Mansion … where STDs go to thrive. 2.The boat driver may have been the {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode Of “The Bachelor”

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Kelsey “My Middle Name is Delusion” Poe and Ashley “I’m Glinda The Good Witch” Fauxdashian stole the show on last night’s Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs Bachelor extravaganza. Meanwhile, in “real life,” Kelsey has petitioned the state of South Dakota to have her face put on Mount Rushmore and Sanderson Poe’s family is having his body exhumed since we all know Kels slipped some antifreeze into his morning coffee to create her “amazing” story. Below, I’ve shared 10 more things I {Read More}

The Bachelor Recap: Virgins ‘Round the Horn

Photo credit: Vulture.com

All aboard the train to Crazy Town but get your tickets and fast, as this bitch is filling up fast. Fortunately for us, the conductor changes each week, as there is enough crazy on this season to fill the Grand Canyon. Buckle up and come along for the ride, won’t you? Would You Rather… Have to listen to Jillian talk about fucking homeless people or lick her hairy ass cheeks? If you read my blog, you know I’m not easily {Read More}

11 Things About Last Night’s Episode Of “The Bachelor”: Jimmy Kimmel, Social Lube

Is that a hot dog in your bikini or are you just happy to see me?

Jimmy Kimmel is like salt. Anything you add him to turns out better. Poor Chris Harrison, though. Nobody puts Baby in the corner, and he was definitely carrying Jimmy’s watermelon. While this week was not nearly as much of a shit show as last week, the crazy was still in high gear. Here are 11 things I noticed during last night’s episode of The Bachelor: 1. I’m starting to get a milquetoast-y vibe from Chris Soules. I wanted to think {Read More}

The Bachelor Recap: Show Me Your Cuntry

CHRIS SOULES, MACKENZIE, KIMBERLY, MICHELLE, TARA, TANDRA, ASHLEY I.

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fiery butt hair. Chris Harrison did not overstate the looniness that is the Chris Soules season. With drunks o’plenty, DumDums being dumb dumb, hoodies sans shirts, gratuitous outdoor shower scenes, and a few girls that I’m pretty sure are actually transgendered (not that there’s anything wrong with that), I nearly spit out my wine like ten times … nearly. This isn’t my first rodeo. Side-note to ABC: Whoever named that super redneck game of bikini {Read More}

The Bachelor Premiere: Tons Of Crazy Ass SoulesMates

bachelorette

Ladies, can I just start this off by saying of Chris Soules: HUBBA HUBBA. No wonder these girls are going bat shit cray over that delicious piece of tender, Iowa meat. And I’m a former Hawkeye, so I’m partial to cornfed men. He’s like a clean-cut, Midwestern version of Matthew McConnaughey and to that I say, “Alright, alright, alright.” ABC has my permission to add a spin-off that includes 30 minutes of Chris working out. Add to the dreamy nature {Read More}

A Gentle Christmas To You

Olive Finn Xmas

If you’ve watched the news lately, you might feel like downing a cyanide martini with an arsenic chaser. It takes a lot of will to have Christmas spirit in light of the world events. And then someone went and stole a giant box of gifts out of my car the other day (stupidly left car unlocked in my driveway). I’ve let this marinate for almost a week before posting about it because I wanted to examine my feelings about it. {Read More}

Moms: Can We All Just Cut Each Other Some Slack?

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I’ve been told I like to poke the bear. What can I say? Stirring the pot can be amusing, especially when I see people react so strongly about things that are so subjective in the parenting world. So when I saw a post on Scary Mommy recently about “6 Pieces of Unwanted Parenting Advice and How I’d Like To Respond,” I had a feeling there’d be plenty of know-it-alls in the comments section. Sure enough, the Judgy McJudgersons were out {Read More}

In Defense Of Christmas

christmas card idea 2013

Alright, folks, you know from my Halloween post that I take holidays very seriously. Like as if it’s my job serious. And you know what? I’m damn good at my job. I excel at holidays. I don’t deny myself that extra piece of pie or extra scoop of garlic mashed or that after-after-after dinner drink because it’s a holiday, people! You have one job, and that’s to enjoy yourselves. Don’t screw it up by scrimping, griping, and being a general {Read More}