10 Differences Between a Mom Car and a Dad Car

I’ve written about parent cars before but, ever since my husband got a new car, it’s become clear to me there is a VERY CLEAR distinction between the MOM CAR and the DAD CAR. Tell me if you can relate:

1. MOM CAR: You will do everything short of greasing your car with Crisco to fit in the parking spot you want.

DAD CAR: Will only be parked at the farthest part of the parking lot, usually crooked so as to deter others from parking next to it.

2. MOM CAR: You hear something rattling around under the hood and turn up the radio. La la la la … you hear anything? NOPE!

DAD CAR: You hear something rattling around under the hood. You pull over and pretend you know what you’re looking for. When you’ve satisfied the machismo amount of time for surveillance, you drive it immediately to the shop and demand their best rental car.

3. MOM CAR: You could feed a small country with the snacks you haven’t had time to empty from Costco as well as the crumbs from said snacks.

DAD CAR: You refuse to buy breakfast at Starbuck’s, claiming their food “makes too many crumbs.” *This seriously happened to us recently.

No effing way gif

4. MOM CAR: A putrid smell pops up in the car. You head to the car wash and buy six of those pine tree air fresheners that hang from your rearview mirror.

DAD CAR: This would never happen. See #3.

5. MOM CAR: Car dancing abounds, and really terrible pop music gets blared on the regular.

gif car dancing

DAD CAR: Dad puts on his music and jams. Period.

6. MOM CAR: Mysterious scratches and dents show up every couple of months on the exterior, only they’re really not a mystery (unless confronted by your husband).

DAD CAR: Never happens. Remember that part about the parking.

7. MOM CAR: Is driven by someone who considers her time in the driver’s seat as the best time to multi-task … at stoplights, of course. We don’t have death wishes. Duh.

DAD CAR: 10 and 2, bitch. You know how much this thing cost?

8. MOM CAR: Has a trunk filled with enough clothing to feed a third world country. A few flashlights with no batteries. An emergency pack your mom bought for you in case of a mudslide. A few pairs of shoes, none matching. 4 balls. 17 pieces of artwork from school that now have coffee on them. 8 diapers (mostly clean). 2 boxes of wipes. And possibly a homeless person.

packed trunk

DAD CAR: Has a trunk filled with nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada.

9. MOM CAR: Usually ┬áhas a ridonkulous nickname, like “Shaggin’ Waggin” or “Big, Bad Bessie”.

DAD CAR: You’re kidding, right?

10. MOM CAR: Will eventually be sold for $250 to the high schooler that mows your lawns on weekends. You’ll have tried for $500 but won’t have been able to get that smell out. Still.

DAD CAR: Will retain its original value until the day it’s turned in for the other perfectly cool “work car” he buys on the lot.

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