10 Games to Play With Your Kids Over The Long-Ass Summer

Well, it’s only been a couple of weeks and this summer has been so fun. And by “fun,” I mean a shit storm of AreYouFuckingKiddingMeWithThisAlready? I was right there with all of you moms with the lunchbox fatigue and all the signing of all the papers all the time. But come the hell on, now. These kids are tearing me apart already. Just in case you’re feeling it, too, I thought I’d share some ideas on games you can play with your kids this summer:

1. Light as a Feather, Mom, I’m Bored

This must be my kids’ favorite game, as they play it a lawt. Like every day. Like even when you’ve taken them to camp and a swim party and the park and downloaded every app possible onto your iPad, they still play this.

2. Monopoly

You got all sentimental on me just hearing that, didn’t you? Yes, a lot of us played this growing up and it definitely makes me nostalgic. But the modern-day Monopoly is totally different. It’s just you spending your own money down to the very last penny on their every whim and they have no idea it’s like real, hard-earned dough. “More, Mommy, more!” Do not pass go, Motherfucker.

3. It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere

You know you play it, too.

4. Lunchtime Roulette

It’s hard enough to keep the fridge stocked during the year when they’re gone all the time but these little Gremlins are here and they are HUNGRY, like, 24/7. Everyday we play a little Lunchtime Roulette in which I pray to the grocery store gods that I actually have something to feed this little fuckers at 10 (yeah, lunch is at 10 effing AM these days). No whammies … no whammies … no whammies. I almost always lose this game, and then we play a game of “Who Likes Happy Meals?”

5. Blame Game

This is a year-round game of “He said, He said” in our house and during the summer it actually hits an all-time high. It’s like goddamned Tattletale Headquarters over here and what’s weird is no one–and I mean no one–was the one who smashed a half-eaten banana into the couch.

6. Operation

Kids are accident prone little a-holes–especially boys–but, come summertime, you’d better hit up CostCo for a bulk supply of band-aids because shit’s about to get real.

7. Opposite Day

When you tell the kids what to do, they do the opposite. It’s a really subtle game because you almost don’t even realize you’re playing.

8. Where’s the iPad

We play this all the time in our house even though we have, like, the first iPad ever made and it’s as clunky as a fucking grand piano and should never be lost but it is all the time and it’s mine but I never get to use it so why would I know where it is, tiny fuckwads? Phew.

9. Sorry

‘Member this game? Yeah, it was one of my faves growing up. These days, it’s just me actually saying sorry all day long because I’ve lost my cool about 4,987,888,000 times by noon.

10. Charades

The kids don’t really know how to play this one but I’m an expert.

“Mom, isn’t this game of pickle in the middle so fun even though you are always the pickle and have to pretend you can’t get the ball while we laugh and laugh?”

“Yeah, it’s SO fun, guys.”

It’s all a charade.

Yep.

Yep.

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Comments

  1. Kerri says:

    Good one Marnie! Love the picture….

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