All parents do it. It’s a right of passage. You pop out the kids and you buy the dreaded parent car. No matter how much you want to, you’re not cramming those chilluns in that smokin’ hot Audi AR8 Coupe. Whether you’ve done the obligatory SUV or gone balls-to-the-wall minivan (pimped out, no less), you’re rollin’ like a really old homie. Worse yet than the kind of car, however, is the inevitable downfall of said vehicle. No matter how hard you try, it’s physically impossible to keep it clean and, frankly, you don’t even care. Below are 10 signs you’re rocking a parent car:
1. Someone has written “Wash Me” on the back window and you left it there for 3 more weeks before running it through the car wash. You have no pride.
2. You felt a momentary giddiness at the guys (or girls) in the car next to when you thought they were checking you out until you realized they were all pointing and laughing. You probably drove away with your coffee on the roof again, or they’re just laughing at the “Wash Me” inscription.
3. You’ve heard something rattling under the hood and turned up the radio to avoid dealing with it. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
4. If need be, you could clothe and feed the entire kindergarten class at your son’s school, all from the back of your car.
5. At some point or another, something has smelled like it died in there. It probably did. You drive with the windows down for a good month or two before you locate the source, which may or may not have once been a snack.
6. When you hand the keys to a valet, you truly think it’s possible to actually die of embarrassment.
7. You long to take someone else’s car home from the car wash. Every. Single. Time.
8. You can’t be sure but you think someone may be squatting in there. You could lock the doors but why bother?
9. You started out with rules like “no milk in the car” and “no food,” and now your kids eat most of their meals while you drive.
10. You’ve been rear-ended while in traffic and let the person go without even getting their info. Frankly, it was too hard to distinguish the new damage from all the old dings.