10 Things I Learned From The Bachelorette Men Tell All Episode

The Bachelorette

Photo credit: Wetpaint.com

Holy hog balls, folks, that was one doozie of a “Men Tell All” episode. Man scarves and faux tans abounded but they left their hoodies at home. This is a special occasion after all. Considering I like Andi about as much as I like a scorching case of athlete’s foot, I was pleasantly surprised by that two hours of TV. Kudos, ABC. Kudos. In fact, I even learned quite a bit, and below I’ve shared 10 little gems I took away with me from last night’s episode:

1. Just like nobody likes a mime, nobody likes a panstapreneur. Nobody.

2. The girls in the audience so badly wanted to comfort Farmer Chris … with their lady parts.

3. Josh is hiding a secret. WHAT COULD IT BE? You know Andi was dying. We almost had her finding out what it was and then, damn you and your conscience, Chris Harrison. Damn you! Did he used to be a woman? Did he not really play professional baseball? It’s more likely that if you crack open his head you’ll find a pistachio. P.S. Even though Dylan looked totally hot last night, he will never get over that “I don’t wash my hands after I go to the bathroom” admission. On the bright side, he has a long career ahead of him as a rapper named “E. Coli”.

4. Was I the only one who looked at that Nick (the pro golfer dude) with the chip on his shoulder and said, “And who are you?” There’s always one of those every season.

5. That girl in the audience was soooooo obviously a plant by ABC. Puh-lease, the girl had a microphone for God’s sake! And this is Chris we are talking about here … the Matthew McConaughey doppelgänger. They could have at least got someone better looking.

6. Confession: I had a little giggle when I saw the preview for ABC’s new show, black-ish, as I had to wonder if Marquel will have a starring role after he wraps BIP. And who ever thought the cookie monster would get stuck in the friend zone? Huh.

7. Did anyone else cringe when Andi said, “I didn’t kiss that many people, did I?” Girlfriend, your saliva was spread farther than Chris’s seed during farming season. STOP!

8. The blooper segments usually make me cringe but this one actually made me really laugh, especially the loud flush and hand-washing scene. All I could think was, “Well, we know that’s not Dylan in there.”

9. Chris Bukowski has officially become one of those douches who gets caught in the reality show spin cycle. Next up: The Amazing Race! Sad, dude. Sad.

10. Apparently, we all still need to meet “the real Cody”. The only thing we know about him is that he likes to talk about himself in the third person and he likely puts needles in his ass and has small testicles. But we WILL find out more about Cody during the magical Bachelor in Paradise (cue teenage squeal of delight). That show has already received an Emmy for its awesomeness in my head. When that thing comes on, I’ll be happier than a one-armed girl on a dating reality show.

 

 

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