10 Things That Could Go Wrong If Target Serves Alcohol

Unless you’ve been caught under the shadow of Trump’s combover, you’ve likely heard that a Chicago Target store may soon be serving alcohol on site (and others may follow). Now, I luvz me some booze and I luvz me some Tarjay but something about this screams disaster for those of us mothers who look to this store as a refuge from our daily grind. Serving alcohol at Target could end badly for us…very, very badly, and here are 10 reasons why:

1. You might start actually eating at Panda Express (or insert whatever nasty ass fast food your Target serves).

2. Your clothes would be giant after buying up all the Liz Lange maternity clothes. If you tell me you’ve never eyed up something from that department for a good two minutes before realizing it’s maternity-wear, I’ll know you’re lying.
3. You’d lose days hours of our lives in the dollar section, scouring through aisles of Hello Kitty vomit.
4. It’s very possible the munchies could hit just as you land in the chip aisle and, well, there goes the neighborhood.
5.   Target red card? That thing’ll be bloodier than Game of Throne‘s Red Wedding.
6. One million bad decisions are made at Target per second (it’s gotta be true). Just imagine adding alcohol to that. Oh, snap.
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7. Getting an über from Target is just downright pathetic.
8. Running into your child’s teacher when you’re bellied up at Target Tavern might be hard to overcome (then again, you could just “borrow” something from the costume aisle).
9. If your “baby shop” is closed, you run the risk of having a full-on alcohol-induced breakdown in the baby aisle, rubbing random women’s baby bumps and popping open bottles of baby shampoo just to sniff them.
10.  Remember that time the tiny half-tee with the pic of T-Swizzle looked super cute on that 43-year old? Yeah, me neither. #buyersremorseoncrack

 

 

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