11 Things I Learned From The Bachelorette: Men Tell All

After sleeping or texting through most of the episodes during this season of The Bachelorette, the Men Tell All finally made my buns tingle with glee. Gaffes were made. Insults were hurled. Innuendoes abounded. And Chris Harrison played the perfect role of straight man that he was born to play. SQUEE! Below are 11 things I took away most from this gloriously juicy episode:

1. You have to admit JJ was the star of the show last night. When Chris Harrison confronted him about using an abundance of air quotes when talking about his time in the hot tub with Clint (air quotes), I nearly spit out my Cab. JJ reacted by saying their conversations were deep…so, so deep. “There’s a lot of meat to that,” said no one who was trying to cover up the fact that they played hide the sausage under the bubbles. Yes, JJ, a lot of meat, indeed.

2. Kaitlyn didn’t hide her disdain for these 2 and their pickle-playing, coming right out and asking if they have set their Facebook status to “complicated” or “It’s official.” Buuuuuuuurn.

3. Did anyone else think Kaitlyn looked like she was up for an Olympic session of ice dancing? I didn’t dig the sequins peek-a-boobie ensemble at all.

(Rick Rowell/ABC)

(Rick Rowell/ABC)

4. The preview for Bachelor in Paradise look like a hot-mess train wreck of overworked semen and salty tears. I’ll be there with bells on. Get here already!

5. What kind of voodoo wicken spell does Kaitlyn put on these guys that most of them are still talking highly of her despite the fact that she slept with Nick? And something went down with Shawn other than a lovey dovey exchange while the ultra-naive Peter Brady took a shower. To quote Team Bentley’s tweet from last night, “We know what happened between Kaitlyn and Shawn when Ben H. was in the shower and it rhymes with ‘snowbob’.”

6. When Chris Harrison mentioned that he was going to read some of the mean tweets, I thought I might finally get some air time.

7. Death threats are taking it a bit far but I do think #slut is a fitting Twitter thread for Kaitlyn. And I’m only talking about what we saw on TV. You take into consideration what might have gone on during her extensive off-camera shenanigans and the girl was anything but classy. BTW, mean tweeter, it’s, “You’re the worst,” not “Your the worst.” Facepalm.

8. So Chris Harrison hands out manscaping advice to Jared? How does he not have anything to say about the overuse of wife beaters, hoodies, and neon clothes?

9. Did anyone else think the strangest thing to happen during the whole show was Ben Z. on the hot seat? The most controversial thing that milquetoasty guy did all season was ask the guys to leave the room so he could give Kaitlyn’s “eulogy” in private. America only has one thing to say about that: MORE JJ!

10. Drunk Ryan M. was back, and he managed to somehow reverse-Trump his hair. Let’s get this guy his own show. BTW, here’s an interesting little gem for you Bachelorette fans. Drunk Ryan is Nikki Ferrel’s ex-boyfriend.

11. Ian was the biggest disappointment of the show. Exiting the show with a string of some of the most arrogant things ever said in Bachelorette history, he fizzled by getting on his knees and begging for America’s forgiveness. UGH. He deserves a lifetime of being Rick-rolled. BTW, Dude, everyone loves a good fart joke.

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