“The Bachelorette” Episode 7 Recap: Jef Wants to Date the F*ck Out of Emily

emily and arie

I would like to find whoever is responsible for this abomination of a season on The Bachelorette and hobble him, a la Kathy Bates in Misery.  If only he would drive off the road somewhere near my home, so I could nurse him back to health, torture him, throw him down the stairs, and make him promise never, ever to do anything like this again.  This week’s episode brought us to Prague, and was, once again, sponsored by Wikipedia, with {Read More}

“The Bachelorette” Episode 6 Recap: These Turquoise Shoes Are Made For Walking

emily_archery

Ahhh, Scotland – with lush countryside and brilliant stone edifices that are a sight to behold, any man would be lucky to visit here with Emily.  What’s that, you say?  Last night’s episode of The Bachelorette was in Croatia?  For fuck’s sake, why were they wearing kilts and playing in The Highland Games?  It’s probably just another one of ABC’s plans to try and pull the wool over our eyes.  Scotland?  Wool?  See what I did there?  Anything to distract {Read More}

“The Bachelorette” Episode 5 Recap: Ricki is Designer Baggage

JEF, EMILY MAYNARD

On last night’s episode of The Bachelorette, London was calling, but apparently it’s like one of those dog whistles, and only douchebags can hear it.  Emily’s voice was cashed, as apparently talking about Ricki and other really inane shit causes laryngitis.  Anyone who mistakenly thought her annoying baby voice would be any less annoying was wrong, though.  She was still as dull as dishwater, but now it was like nails on a chalkboard. The first one-on-one date was with Sean, {Read More}

JEF, EMILY MAYNARD

JEF, EMILY MAYNARD

JEF, EMILY MAYNARD

“The Bachelorette” Episode 4 Recap: Is That Quinoa!?

emily maynard

This season continues to be the dingleberry on the ass of the entire Bachelor/Bachelorette series – hanging in there despite everyone’s desire to wipe it from our memories.  Tears were shed, pink shirts and bright blue knee socks were donned, and insults regarding age were hurled, and that’s just the guys.  I’ve seen more masculinity on the Bravo Network.   As if to make it worse, the guys were flown to Bermuda, and then showed up at their hotel on scooters, {Read More}