A Somewhat WT Wine Review: Wild Horse Paso Robles Cabernet Sauvignon

Wild Horse Cabernet

Okay, so I guess it’s National Drink a Beer Day, but I much prefer me some vino. I’m not above beer, by any means, but it makes me burp (if you read my gassy post, you’re not surprised about this fact). I fancy myself a bit of a sommelier, but of the lower rent variety, as I tend to think that they all smell like a little bit of heaven and taste great with Cheetos.  I mean, what doesn’t?  Here {Read More}

Shit is Ubiquitous – Well, Really, It’s Ushitquitous

Someecards re: poop

Disclaimer:  Since I wrote this piece, I read that research has shown people don’t like to read about your kid’s potty habits.  What I say to them:  Shut the fuck up. Carrying on… A friend and I recently had a talk about how shit is ruining our lives or, at the very least, putting us in a bit of a funk.  If you’re at home with two kids and two dogs (like me), you are handling dukie more than the {Read More}

The Facetime Effect

Sofia Vergara

Is it just me or can we all agree that we look like sweaty mutants with facial warts and fuzzy hair on Facetime? I know, I know, there are more important things going on in life, like the presidential election and, of course, the bacon shortage, but this has been bugging me for a while. Last night, my in-laws called to talk via Facetime, and it was like looking in a fucking circus mirror. As if Facetime isn’t already a huge cluster-eff, {Read More}

Sean Lowe is Our Next Bachelor…ZZZZzzzzzzzz

Sean Lowe

Well, Bachelor fans — in the least exciting news since ABC decided little Ricki was TV-worthy, Sean Lowe has been declared the next Bachelor. Yawn. I’ve been looking for an all-natural sleep remedy so this plus several bottles of wine should do the trick.  I wasn’t all that excited about the possibility of Roberto, either, but when push comes to shove, at least we had a little backstory on him. Sean and his milktoasty good looks and all-American attitude should {Read More}

Celebrities: They’re Nothing Like Us (The Story of a Mom Purse)

purse

Don’t you just love those “Stars: They’re Just Like Us” photos in the trashy mags? Look! They push their own shopping carts!  They EAT…food! They play with their kids! BFD. Let me just tell you, they’re nothing like us. This is especially true when a magazine does a feature on a celebrity and asks, “What’s in your purse right now?”  Then they show said images and it’s always like the iPhone (5, of course) complete with hipster songs, a tube {Read More}

Pinterest Has Ladies Feeling All Funny *Down There*

Pinterest someecards

First of all – there are some posts that require earmuffs – or the equivalent for online writing that my dad wouldn’t approve of  — so, Dad, this is your cue.  Exit, stage left. On to a simple fact for all the ladies – your men all have spank banks.  (Dad, I wasn’t kidding.  Go away now).  I won’t go into an explanation, other than to say that Angelina Jolie is a given in all of them, and they make {Read More}

Girls Are Gassy, Yo

girl exercising

Okay, so it’s my very first post going live on my new and *improved* site, and I guess I should have kept it more classy. But this has been on my mind as of late. The other night, my husband farted (or “tooted” as we say in our house), and it was shocking — not the smell or anything, but just the fact that I heard its oh-so-subtle trumpet from the couch cushions. I say this because I can literally {Read More}

“The Bachelorette” Episode 7 Recap: Jef Wants to Date the F*ck Out of Emily”

Jef Holm

I would like to find whoever is responsible for this abomination of a season on The Bachelorette and hobble him, a la Kathy Bates in Misery.  If only he would drive off the road somewhere near my home, so I could nurse him back to health, torture him, throw him down the stairs, and make him promise never, ever to do anything like this again. This week’s episode brought us to Prague, and was, once again, sponsored by Wikipedia, with {Read More}