The Other Side

wedding photo

So I sent in this idea to Babble.com, and they asked me to write the entire spec. Alas, they then rejected it. If having your writing be rejected builds character, I must be The Most Interesting Woman In The World. I don’t drink beer very often, but when I do, it’s Old Style. Cuz I’m classy like that. I hope you enjoy this — would love to hear your thoughts. The Other Side Ever since I was young, I’ve had {Read More}

A Visit From The Beast

Poltergeist lady

About four to five times a year, I wake up and know that I’ve had a visit from The Beast. This is not your average bad mood or visit from Aunt Flo but, rather, a possession of my soul from something purely evil. I know it as soon as I put my feet on the ground to start my day, and I had a visit from The Beast yesterday — just in time for Halloween. Both kids were up on {Read More}

Don’t Worry; I’ve Got This

Rottenecard your twenties

Yesterday, I saw a clip of Katie Couric talking about her interview with LeAnn Rimes, and how LeAnn’s birthday cake said something like “Die, 20s, Die!” It sounds harsh, as our twenties are supposed to be the best time of our lives, right? But I must say, I remember kind of feeling the same way. Sure, 30 was a hard birthday, but the 20s, despite many great times, were agonizing for me in some ways. I was so neurotic and {Read More}

On Becoming Liz Lemon

Liz Lemon

Don’t get me wrong — Tina Fey is bitchin’ — a hip mom who manages to have it all — career, kids, husband, bestselling book, and an outrageously great sense of humor. But Liz Lemon, her 30 Rock persona — eh, not so much. No one intends to become Liz Lemon. Again, there seems to be a huge disparity between the way you picture you’d be as a parent, and who you become. At least that’s what I’ve found to {Read More}

A Day in the Life — the Annual Gyno Visit

rottenecard gynecologist

So last week I had my annual — ahem — well exam at the gyney. It always reminds me of the ole game “Would you rather?” as I think you could insert almost anything in there and most sane women would choose that over seeing their gynecologist for a pap smear. I have to give you a little back-story on my guy, though, as I had a wee bit of trouble finding a good doctor when I was pregnant with my second. {Read More}

Five Things That Could Cause Full Blown Germaphobia

ketchup tap

On the germaphobia scale of Pig Pen to Howie Mandel, I definitely fall in the more moderate Matt Lauer range. I generally try not to think about the germs around me at any given time or I know I’d drive myself to insanity. But I do have some hot buttons when it comes to pesky pathogens, and these things have only been intensified since having kids (a.k.a. little germballs with booger hands). Here are my top five: 1. The ketchup {Read More}

Little Dicks

rottenecards witch

My mom has asked me to refrain from calling the boys little a-holes on the blog so, for today’s post, I will call them little dicks. You’re welcome, Mom. I honestly didn’t know whether I was going to write about my shitty day as a parent yesterday, as it shook me to my overly neurotic core. Can I really let everyone know how much I SUCK at this gig? Then I remembered that’s kind of the whole point of this {Read More}

The Land of Misfit Toys (A.K.A. Our House)

boys playing

I visited my brother’s family in Connecticut a few years ago when I only had one child, and they had three, and my lil’ guy was only about one at the time. I remember my sister-in-law talking about having to “inventory” the toys a lot, and I remember thinking she was fucking nuts. Who the hell cares? But now I know all too well how stressful toys can actually be, and I know this because our house is where toys {Read More}

50 Shades Experiment: Epic Fail

50 shades of grey rottenecard

Many women have told me that their husbands bought them hard copies of Fifty Shades of Grey, while others have attempted to slide in the old in cognito Kindle gift. I’m sure they were wringing their sweaty hands, grinning widely as they thought of all the sick, twisted bedroom tricks they were going to reap from this considerate largesse. What they didn’t realize was this was an epic fail for anyone around my age. While initially billed as “Mommy Porn,” {Read More}

Five Myths Debunked After Having Kids

rottenecards_hide n seek

There’s no doubt in my mind that having kids has been the best thing I’ve done with my life, but before I brought them into this world, I certainly had a much more romantic notion of of how things would turn out. Here are five myths I’ve since debunked: 1. Arts and Crafts Will Be a Hoot Somehow before you have kids you fancy yourself a Martha Stewart, and your kids will be your protegees — making cool shit with {Read More}