Pinterest Assholes

Pinterest cupcake tree

I said “Pinterest Assholes,” not “Pinterest, Assholes,” so don’t get your panties in a bunch. Eh, I guess it’s offensive either way so carry on. It’s just that I have such a love-hate relationship with Pinterest. First of all, I wish I had more time to pin my life away. As it is, the few times I allow myself the time to go on there, I’ve lost about seven hours and I’m craving some sort of pastry filled with cream {Read More}

Three Moms I Could Live Without

someecards baby names

Yesterday, I caught wind of some Mommy Wars going on over at one of my fave blogs, Mary Tyler Mom. Apparently, she posted a tongue-in-cheek e-card from another blog about the whole WAHM vs. SAHM mom thing, and the vitriol spread like wildfire. Can’t we all just get along? Ya know, it takes a village and all that. I’m not one to judge whether you should work or stay at home, and so many of us don’t have a choice {Read More}

Dear Costco

Costco teddy bear

Dear Costco, I recently wrote about how I wanted to hate/fuck Target, but I want to let you know, I want to straight up marry you and get you pregnant. I know, I know, it’s weird. But this is pure, unadulterated┬álove. When your coupons come in the mail, I get a rumbling in my stomach, like that of a first date or a rank stomach flu. What’s on sale this month!? Come on, Kirkland Baby Wipes! I’m like a kid {Read More}

5 Signs You May Have SAHM Syndrome

someecards_snuggie

There’s no denying there are benefits and drawbacks to being a Stay-at-Home-Mom, or “SAHM,” as we are called. For some, it’s a choice, while others have no say in the matter. Regardless of how you came to your station in life, being at home with the kids all day can certainly wear out even the most energetic mom, zapping you of all your strength and some days even your sanity. On the one hand, you love that you’re there to {Read More}

Five Ridonkulous Thanksgiving Tips

Zubaz pants

If I hear one more TV segment on “how to stay trim during the holidays” or “tips on avoiding overeating at Thanksgiving,” I’m going to go all Charlie-Sheen-in-a-hotel-suite-with-coke-and-hookers. I’ll tell you how to stay trim during the holidays — get the fucking stomach flu. My family did it and everyone’s at their fighting weight. Let’s get real, people — it’s one day a year. One day! Can’t we all agree to just gorge ourselves until our pants burst and our {Read More}

The Top 10 Celebrities Who ( I Think) Should Not Have Fragrances

Paris Hilton perfume

As I was shopping to squelch my depression over this week-long virus that has hovered over our home, I came across a lot of celebrity fragrances. “Really?” I thought. “Really?” Someone wants to smell like Lady Gaga? Because I imagine it smells like mothballs mixed with the scent of cheap motel sex. I once tried on Sarah Jessica Parker’s fragrance because I’ve loved me some SJP ever since Sex and the City. But you know what that smells like? Body {Read More}

The Mom Can’t Get Sick…The Mom Can’t Get Sick…The Mom Can’t Get Sick

rottenecard weight loss stomach flu

Well, I was hoping to post about something really cheery today, like wine. And rainbows. And drinking wine while watching rainbows. Instead, I’m going to outline the last three days under our roof, as the shit has hit the fan in the most literal sense. THREE NIGHTS AGO 10 PM — I’m nearly finished reading Gone Girl when I hear the little dude crying in his room. Not now, little dude, Mama’s nearly done with the first book she’s read {Read More}

Coupon Whore: A Story of the Kidsville Discount

someecards germs

What would I do for a Klondike bar? Eh, not much, really. But if you tell me you’ll knock a couple bucks off the full price of pretty much anything, I’ll kiss you full on the mouth. With tongue. Just ask the guy who sold me my tires. It’s something I’ve come to realize about myself, especially since I’ve had kids and no full time job. I’m a coupon whore. A savings slut. A deal floozy. I admit it, I {Read More}

The Curse of The Second Child (Number Two)

baby boy photo

You can’t judge a book by its cover. Beauty is only skin-deep. Looks aren’t everything. We all know all about the lip service paid to the superficiality of good looks and, when you’re having a baby, you really just want it to be healthy, right? Pull my other leg and it plays “Jingle Bells”. There’s a small part of us that hopes our kids aren’t — you know — hideous, no? Come on — don’t make me feel like a {Read More}

10 Dickheads I See at the Gym a Lawt — Just Stop It

rottenecard exercising joke

I’ve been a workout freak since college — some might even say a bit obsessive (zip it, Mom). I do have to say, though, that I have lost a bit of my workout mojo after having my second. I still work out every day — that has stuck with me. But I’ve lost the edge. The eye of the tiger. The get-up-and-go. So many times when I’m at the gym, I’m grumpy — very, very grumpy. And they say that {Read More}