Funniest F*cking Google Searches — We’re All Assholes

a funny google search about what if a ginger kid bites me

It’s that time of year — when we look back on the past 365 days and reflect…reflect on the fact that we are — as a collective species — a bunch of douchebags. The Google Zeitgeist list has emerged and, although life as we know it didn’t collapse as the Mayans predicted, we’re still a bunch of loathsome creatures. Let’s just take a look-see, shall we? Here Comes Honey Boo Boo came up as #3 on the Trending TV Shows {Read More}

Family Dysfunction — A Tale of Funeral Vomit and More

rottenecards family

As often as you hear the term “holidays” you seem to hear the words “family” and “dysfunction” and sometimes even “dysfunctional family.” The truth is, I think there is at least a trace amount of dysfunction in every family, don’t you? But that’s what makes us family. And hey, it’s our dysfunction, and no one can take that away from us. I can talk about Great Aunt Mabel’s unsightly mustache, but should you dare broach the topic, I’ll gladly give {Read More}

Step Away From the Glue Gun: A Teacher Gift PSA

ecard teacher gifts

You’ve seen my posts about Pinterest — how it has ladies feeling funny “down there” and the “Pinterest Assholes” you see on there quite often who live and die for DIY. I hate them. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest, so when I was cruising around on there last year looking for teacher gift inspiration, I decided to open the conversation up on Facebook. And I have many teacher friends. Ya know what they ALL said? Take that {Read More}

A Season to Believe

Christmas picture

I was going to get back my to my usual profanity-laced tongue-in-cheek ridonkulousness today to lighten the mood but — ya know what — I’m not quite ready just yet. I actually wrote this one weeks ago, and feel that it’s almost eerily appropriate for today. Hope you enjoy: For as long as I can remember, I’ve been what I can only refer to as a “holiday junkie.” I can’t get enough of this season, and I go through serious {Read More}

An Open Letter to My Boys

President Obama

An Open Letter to My Sons (To Be Read When You Are Much Older) December 14, 2011 I woke up at 6:43 am. I took note, as I seem to wake up at the same time almost every day. Strange, don’t you think? I’ve been trying to remember what I thought at that moment. I’m pretty sure it was “Not this again.” I’d been feeling sorry for myself because I’ve been sick for about a month and was tired of {Read More}

12 Days of Christmas: The Grumpy Mom Version

Partridge Family banner

There are twelve days until Christmas and, if you’re as behind as I am, you’re leaning more towards the Grinch and less towards the jolly old soul (although that old part is right). I love Christmas, but this whole work-at-home mom thing is absolute crap, and I’m really fucking grumpy. So I thought we’d dissect this classic song from my point of view, and what I’d REALLY like from my true love… On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent {Read More}

A Two-Pronged Rant For the Holiday Season

ecard christmas

It’s the holidays, bitches! We’re fucking happy, right? Right? Every holiday season I see something that makes me realize that, although this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, people are at their Archie Bunker-est. As my friends on Facebook know, I saw it firsthand in the Costco parking lot the other day. After an hour-long trip to buy gift cards for teachers, mountains of baby wipes, and enough food to sustain us through a nuclear {Read More}

Ten Things A Mother Should Tell Her Son (Not Really)

Mom and Son

There have been many lists that have circulated the internet like “20 Things a Mother Should Tell Her son,” and they’re usually quite touching with a sprinkling of schmaltz, but I decided I needed to do my own, with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek, of course. A daily dose of sarcasm is good for the soul. I do have two boys, and they could use some advice. Okay, off we go… 1. Never underestimate the power of the {Read More}

Octomom Nominated for Porn Awards — Bow Chicka Wow Wow

Nadya Suleman Octomom

Moms — did you hear the amazing news about one of our own? Nadya Suleman, aka “Octomom,” has been nominated for four AVN (porn) Awards her “solo porn tape.” Did anyone think she’d be able to coax an actual partner into having sex with her? Of course it’s a solo sex tape! We’ve all heard the term “it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway,” but you’ve gotta think that’d be more like throwing a sausage into the mouth {Read More}