The Top 10 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelor”

Monkey Beach

Due to a lack of time and a growing sense of boredom with this season of The Bachelor, I’m going to do a Top 10 list today in lieu of the recap. Here are my… TOP TEN THINGS I LEARNED FROM LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE OF THE BACHELOR 10. If Sean Lowe told Lindsay to eat one of his toenails that was covered in fungus and then deep fried, she would do it. 9. AshLee has a fear of abandonment, or {Read More}

What I Learned on an Average Day on the Basketball Court…

pickup basketball

The baby shop is just about closed (it’s pretty much official), so it looks like God has given me two beautiful boys. I’m definitely not complaining. Of course, I cried like a wee baby when I gave away the girl clothes I’d been given from my sister-in-law while I was pregnant. It’s hard to think I probably won’t experience having a daughter. Then again, I was a nightmare teenager, myself, so I’ve always wondered whether I dodged a bullet. It {Read More}

I F*cking Hate the Park (5 Reasons Why)

park

“Let’s go to the park!” You, like me, probably hear this every day. But, if you’re like me, you get a queasy feeling and a strong desire to bang your head against a wall every time. It’s just a park, right? America’s got millions of ’em. They’re scenic. They offer fresh air. They’re filled with fun things for kids. And. I. fucking. hate. them. Here are five reasons why: 1. Everyone’s a pedophile — I know this obviously isn’t true, {Read More}

The Case For Teaching Your Kids to Be “Takers”

shawn_boys

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to teach my kids the importance of giving, especially during this last holiday season. I recently read an article about a six-year-old boy in my town who organized a toy drive for the underprivileged, and I panicked. Every time my boys (ages two and four) see a toy commercial, it’s “I want! I want! I want!” I know that’s nothing if not normal, but I’d love for them to experience the way it {Read More}

“The Bachelor” Recap: “Nobody Will Take My Sparkle Away”

Sean Lowe, Tierra

Holy shit show of all shit shows. Despite the milktoastiness of Sean, this season has turned out to be one hell of a barnburner. Of course, I’ve always maintained that the less in touch with reality these girls are, the better show we’re going to see. And once we heard Tierra say, “Men love me,” we knew she was one meatball short of a full spaghetti dinner. On a scale of Britney Spears to Lindsay Lohan, she’s about as crazy {Read More}

I’m Holding On By the Hair On My Chinny Chin Chin

Rosie O'Donnell

Anyone with a blog knows there’s a fine line between making people laugh and completely embarrassing yourself. But if I’m not completely honest with you, this thing isn’t going to go anywhere. So here goes… It’s about the bodily — ahem — changes you have after your kid is born. Between the saggy boobs, bad skin, and giant feet (seriously, your feet grow, people), my mantra since having the boys is been “It’s all worth it. It’s all worth it. {Read More}

Dear Two Years Old…

Two

I need to send a thank you letter to someone — anyone — who may be responsible for two-year-olds and their amazeballs behavior. I need to get it out immediately, especially since the post office isn’t going to deliver on Saturdays anymore. I guess I’ll just address to “Two Years Old”. Here goes: Dear Two Years Old, Thanks for making my son bathe in his own food like a pig in mud, which causes him to look, at all times, {Read More}