Dear Anthropologie

Mrs. Roper Three's Company

Sometimes I like to write letters to my favorite stores. Yeah, I know — it’s weird. But you’ve met me, right? Right. So we’re on the same page then. If you haven’t read my Dear Target and Dear Costco pieces, please check them out. I felt the need to write another ¬†letter to the store with which I have an absolute love/hate relationship. So here goes… Dear Anthropologie: Thank you, first of all, for helping me to grow up. I {Read More}

Groundhog Day: Take #976

The Scream by Edvard Munch

Sometimes I like Mondays. Sue me. After the hustle and bustle of some weekends, I like the structure and even — gasp — the discipline that comes with Mondays, like eating better. SOMETIMES. But yesterday, I was feeling very bogged down by the groundhogginess that can go with staying at home with the kids. Of course, every day isn’t EXACTLY the same, but it sure can feel like it sometimes. I used to live with my brother and sister-in-law when {Read More}

100 Days Since Newtown

sandy hook memorial

It’s been 100 days since Newtown, and I’m fairly confident that a day hasn’t gone by where I haven’t thought of the victims and their families. At Christmas time, I thought of the gifts unopened, and the pain of those who had sent Christmas cards out, complete with photos of smiling kids who will never have another Christmas. My heart ached on New Year’s Day, as I thought how silly resolutions must have seemed to them. And here we are {Read More}

5 Reasons I Want to Be a Celebu-Mom

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck

Celebu-moms. Bitches. Except, of course, Jennifer Garner, who is like so cool. I’m going to be her friend and, yes, I do realize that sounds scary. I’m coming for you, Jen-Jen! You’ll call me Marn-Marn, and we’ll eat Pinkberry while we talk about our kids’ report cards. Our hubs will be besties, too, right, Benny? I’ve got it all planned out, and it’s not creepy at all. Okay, maybe a little creepy, but… Mostly, though, I hate celebu-moms because I’m {Read More}

How to Raise a Hi-Stander in These Days of Bullying

no bullying

Anyone who has kids who are of school age knows that you’re not just sending their physical bodies to school each day, but they’re carrying your heart with you. In doing so, you hope your heart will watch over them. Protect them. Enable them to be the person you want them to be. Instead, the universe takes over and you’re left at home, as vulnerable as the day they were born. It happens on the playground, too, when someone sticks {Read More}

Sorry, Paul Rudd, but THIS is 40

This is 40

Some of you may recall that I shared¬†what I learned as I turned 40, but now I’m about seven months in, and it’s no Judd Apatow rom-com. Here are seven depressing ways I’ve come to realize that I’m all grownz up: 1. I was at the hair salon the other day, and I chose Redbook over Cosmo. “How to give a great blow job” vs. “How to create a great dessert in under ten minutes.” Blow jobs? People still give {Read More}

The Bachelor Finale Recap: Meet the Douches

Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici

Folks — the unthinkable has happened. I’ve experienced Bachelor burnout. After the 79th season, or whatever it is, I’m finally over the formulaic nonsense and the viewer manipulation. How many times do they think we’ll actually believe that one person is in love with two others, only to wake up one day and have a lightning bolt of clarity? When Sean started doling out roses at that first cocktail party like John Mayer spreads his dirty seed around Hollywood, I {Read More}

I’m Marnie, and I’m Addicted to Social Media.

joke about facebook addiction

I am. I admit it. I’ve been in denial for a while, but it’s true. I’m hopelessly addicted to social media. What’s weird is I’m not a technical person or a gadget geek. I don’t wait in line the night before for the iPhone 5 because I don’t need the damn thing to take panoramic photos of the piles of laundry in my bedroom. What I do need is it to clean up my house. Is that the iPhone 6? {Read More}

The Bachelor Women Tell All Recap: A Sparkly Bitchfest


Can I just start with how pissed I was that my The Bachelor viewing party wasn’t chosen by Chris Harrison? Granted, due to some scheduling conflicts, it was just me and my husband, and I was wearing the pajamas I mentioned in this post, zit cream, and a teeth whitener tray (of course, that was before the red wine). I plan on putting in for this summer’s viewing parties for The Bachelorette. But when Chris Harrison shows up, it’ll just {Read More}

The Gradual Descent Into Becoming the Meth-Head Hobo Wife


I came across this video on Baby Sideburns’ blog today, and it was perfect timing, as I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much I’ve let my husband peek behind the curtain maybe just a wee bit too much. You read all the time about people who don’t fart in front of their partners, or can never go to the bathroom unless the door is closed (I usually have two boys and two pugs in the bathroom with me). {Read More}