10 Things I Learned On My First Trip To Disney World

gif_little girl throwing up

Guess who popped her Disney World cherry a few weeks ago? THIS GIRL. If you could see me, you could see that I’ve got my thumbs pointed at me. I really need to get that web cam. We did four days … in a row … and lived to tell about it! I have to say, in looking back on the trip, there were certain things I noticed about the Happiest Place On Earth. Let me know if you’ve felt {Read More}

Merry Fucking Pinteras

pinterest music ornaments

It’s that time of year, folks. The holidays are upon us, and I’m an unabashed holiday junkie. It used to be all about fun and frivolity and getting shitfaced while putting up your Christmas ornaments. And then some asshole invented Pinterest. And he recruited a bunch of Pinterest Assholes. And now we’re all supposed to be Martha Fucking Stewart. And the pressure is enough to make us all go apeshit on each other because we didn’t have time to wrap {Read More}

The Incident

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I’m not a lyrics person. I’ve said this before, but many days I’ll happily sing along to songs about rape culture, offensive sex acts, and the degradation of women without having a clue. Ahhh, ignorance is bliss. But I remember the first time I heard Mat Kearney’s song “Closer To Love”. In it, he says, “I guess we’re all one phone call from our knees.” And for once in my life I was actually truly affected by song lyrics. In {Read More}

Welcome to My Sick And Twisted Parenting Lexicon

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I’ve mentioned before that my mind is a cold, dank place where things go bump in the night, mostly ’cause I’m an insomniac. The other night, I was up thinking about the kids, and it hit me that I’ve begun to develop a language of my own. I keep a notepad by my bed because counting sheep is about as useful as a bleeding hemorrhoid. Here were a few that sprung to mind but feel free to share your own: {Read More}

The Costco Lady: A Tale Of a Real-Life Grinch


It’s Halloween hangover time, and not just because the party we went to was serving jello shots for the adults. “There’s no alcohol in these things — they’re delicious!” said no one who has any sense at all (read: me). I love me some Halloween. Facebook is a colorful array of lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Face paint. Glow sticks. Crazy wigs. I love it all. And now starts the blink-and-you-missed-it-descent into the holidays. As many of my {Read More}