The Bachelor Recap: Virgins ‘Round the Horn

Photo credit: Vulture.com

All aboard the train to Crazy Town but get your tickets and fast, as this bitch is filling up fast. Fortunately for us, the conductor changes each week, as there is enough crazy on this season to fill the Grand Canyon. Buckle up and come along for the ride, won’t you? Would You Rather… Have to listen to Jillian talk about fucking homeless people or lick her hairy ass cheeks? If you read my blog, you know I’m not easily {Read More}

11 Things About Last Night’s Episode Of “The Bachelor”: Jimmy Kimmel, Social Lube

Is that a hot dog in your bikini or are you just happy to see me?

Jimmy Kimmel is like salt. Anything you add him to turns out better. Poor Chris Harrison, though. Nobody puts Baby in the corner, and he was definitely carrying Jimmy’s watermelon. While this week was not nearly as much of a shit show as last week, the crazy was still in high gear. Here are 11 things I noticed during last night’s episode of The Bachelor: 1. I’m starting to get a milquetoast-y vibe from Chris Soules. I wanted to think {Read More}

The Bachelor Recap: Show Me Your Cuntry

CHRIS SOULES, MACKENZIE, KIMBERLY, MICHELLE, TARA, TANDRA, ASHLEY I.

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fiery butt hair. Chris Harrison did not overstate the looniness that is the Chris Soules season. With drunks o’plenty, DumDums being dumb dumb, hoodies sans shirts, gratuitous outdoor shower scenes, and a few girls that I’m pretty sure are actually transgendered (not that there’s anything wrong with that), I nearly spit out my wine like ten times … nearly. This isn’t my first rodeo. Side-note to ABC: Whoever named that super redneck game of bikini {Read More}

The Bachelor Premiere: Tons Of Crazy Ass SoulesMates

bachelorette

Ladies, can I just start this off by saying of Chris Soules: HUBBA HUBBA. No wonder these girls are going bat shit cray over that delicious piece of tender, Iowa meat. And I’m a former Hawkeye, so I’m partial to cornfed men. He’s like a clean-cut, Midwestern version of Matthew McConnaughey and to that I say, “Alright, alright, alright.” ABC has my permission to add a spin-off that includes 30 minutes of Chris working out. Add to the dreamy nature {Read More}