Things The Elf on the Shelf Would Say

elf porn

It’s that time of year again. You find yourself in one of three camps as a parent: The No Elf Family (mad props, yo). The Reluctant Elf Family (forgets to move the damn thing every day; this is my camp). And the Balls-to-the-Wall Family. This post is for you ballers, as the things you do with that elf are astounding and, frankly, a little disturbing. And, you know what, if the Elf on the Shelf could talk, I think he’d have {Read More}

A Modern-Day Lesson From St. Nick

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It’s the holiday season, with lights all aglow We can feel it in every person we know.   With our spirits up but our energy spent We picked out a restaurant and off we went.   I couldn’t believe as we walked right on through, St. Nicholas, himself, was seated there, too.   No fancy red suit or his famous reindeer But we knew it was him, as he sat oh-so-near.   We whispered and pointed though we tried not to {Read More}

Goop’s “Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts” List: LOLz

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Gwyneth Paltrow is so much fun to hate, isn’t she? I mean, the girl runs a lifestyle blog (majorly successful, I might add) without being in touch with anyone. On Earth. At all. Well, besides, maybe Madonna. I mean, the blog is called goop. Isn’t that just precious? She and her (I’m sure fahhhhhhbulously gay … not that there’s anything wrong with that) team of goopers came up with “The Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts” and I, for one, would just {Read More}