5 Things I Wish They’d Change About Preschool

We’ve had our ups and downs with preschool. We started my first son in a two half-day program when he was only two, mostly because Mommy needed a break. Lo and behold, this school was in an old house in a charming area of a town near us. During the preschool orientation, candles were lit, the place looked quite clean, and Jack Johnson set the mellow mood from the CD player. I had my cup of coffee. It was fall. And I wanted to enroll MYSELF. It also had a duck, an old VW bus, and a sand pit, all of which appealed to the hippie within. This was all well and good until I would come to pick him up and they would have no idea where he was, calling to him like you would a pot belly pig on a farm. A pig was an appropriate term for what he looked like when he’d be done with his time there, too, as he often had dirty diapers and I basically had to hose him off before he could get in my car. And if you know me, you know my looks like a moving homeless shelter.

We moved him into a bit more of a structured program at a new school (not hard to do in comparison to Hippie Headquarters), which appealed to my Type A personality. But he got into kindergarten and he was behind. Hrmph. “Eff this whole preschool B.S.,” I thought. “What the hell are they doing there if not teaching him his letters?” Yesterday, I had my second son’s preschool conference which, if you saw my Facebook post yesterday, you know I think is ridonkulous anyway. What was interesting is his teacher addressed the fact that there has been a curriculum change and, although it’s still play-based, they are getting into letter structure earlier with the kids. This was good news (a little too late for guy #1 but still good)!

The truth is, my heart goes out to these teachers, as I hate wiping my own kid’s ass, let alone wiping other kids’ dirty bums all day long. But when it comes down to it, there are a few things I could do without when it comes to preschool, and I’ve shared them below:

1. Enough with the papers and endless junk that comes home with him. Yes, I said, “JUNK!” If it’s got macaroni art on it, I don’t want it. Sorry (not sorry), but I will not add this to my bin of child art, as it is junk (and possibly rat bait). If it’s a piece of paper with a few scribbles that you insist are my child’s doing, I will not say, “Awww.” Well, maybe I will but inside I’ll surely be thinking, “WTF.” Two words, preschool: recycle bin.

macaroni art

2. Enough with giving us plants as gifts. Yes, we love plants. Yes, we get the symbolism. You’re planting seeds with our kids every day. Blah. Blah. Blah. Have you ever tried to drive a plant home that isn’t inside a container or box? It doesn’t end well. Let’s just say they had to run my SUV through the vacuum area at the car wash twice (true story).

3. Preschool conferences? Really? He plays well with others. Thanks so much! Ya know what? He doesn’t do that at home. Listen, you’ve got my number. If he bites or flashes anyone, give me a call. Otherwise, I’ll see you on Teacher Appreciation Day. With a plant.

4. Those passive aggressive notes about the non-nutritious item I included in my child’s lunch? They make great paper airplanes before they get taken on their profanity-laced trip to the recycle bin. No ever died from a Rice Krispie treat, k?

5. Please consider your audience when sending things like Country Mouse home with us. You know, the one we’re supposed to take photos with and fill in the entry about all the fun we had with him in our day together? Yeah, we’ve had him for two weeks now, and the dog used the mouse as a chew toy, the journal got wet (possibly with wine), and the backpack he came in is M.I.A. FML.

What do YOU think of preschool?

*Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, this is mostly tongue in cheek, and I adore my son’s preschool.

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Comments

  1. shannon5757 says:

    Yes, yes, and yes!

    Thank your lucky stars your kiddo doesn’t attend a christian preschool. Living in a uber-small town we really only had one (decent) preschool to send our son to. Every Monday they send home a weekly newsletter “encouraging” us parents to attend chapel with our child. On a Wednesday. During the middle of the day. Um, I barely get to church on Christmas and Easter, so, yyyyeah, that’s probably not going to happen.

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