“B” is for “Bow Chicka Wow Wow”

Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Every once in a while, I’m sure my husband cringes at the fodder for this blog, and I can guarantee this will be one of those times. But here’s the honest to God’s truth. Sex falls on my list of priorities somewhere in between the bottom and rock bottom. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I’m so exhausted most days, and I’ve only got two kids. Add two needy dogs to that and a couple of freelance writing jobs and I’m one nap away from having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. And I may or may not even occasionally use the “okay, honey, but do you mind if I sleep through it?” excuse (Okay, I have).

Where guys go wrong is what they think is going to get us ladies going. It certainly ain’t porn, guys, so put away that copy of “In Diana Jones and the Temple Poon” for use when Mama goes out of town. It’s not flowers or candy or mood music. It’s those little moments where you catch your wife by surprise. For instance, this weekend, we planned a good, old-fashioned shut-in as a Hail Mary to potty train my little guy. He’s got about a week before he goes to a potty-trained-kids-only preschool, so we’ve got that going for us. It was do-or-die time, so we prepared to spend the whole day watching him run around, showing off his bare buns and peeing on the lawn. Good times.

The Da Vinci Load

Cracking the code, one penis at a time.

I had actually gotten these flash cards to use to teach my older guy his letters — again, a week before Kindergarten. What can I say? I like living on the edge. The hubby asked me what they were and, before I knew it, he took them with him outside and began to quiz my son on them. Of course, my son kept complaining and whining that he wanted to play tennis instead, so the hubs convinced him that he would play when he got five flashcards in a row correct. In the past, I’ve always kind of felt like all the school stuff/learning/teaching things were up to me, and I was a bit resentful if I’m being completely honest. But something in me looked at my husband that day like the days when we were dating. I was in awe. He spent the day playing with the kids, quizzing with flashcards, gardening, and cleaning up the inevitable poopie pants from our failed attempts at potty training. And, quite honestly, he’s never looked so good in my eyes.

Guys — consider this your P.S.A. Put away the porn and pick up the flashcards/tool box/frying pan. You’ll reap the rewards, as “B is for Bow Chicka Wow Wow.”

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