10 Highlights from The Bachelor Premiere: The Curse of the Red Dress

Nick Viall

Nick Viall – the man who ruined The Bachelor. Can it be? Can he and his country club accent (Where do you shummer?) ruin the show that has been my guiltiest pleasure since Justin Bieber had a hairless peenie? I hope not but last night I yawned at least 20 times during the season premiere. This is usually the crown jewel of the show, with ABC parading a host of mentally unstable women before us to point and laugh. The {Read More}

10 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelorette”

Chad

Let’s talk about sex, baby, and some dictators, of course. Because, well, The Bachelorette. Oh man, this season has it all. The villain who’s gotta vill. The mighty douchey underdog. And a sidekick Canadian. So much promise! But here’s what I learned from watching last night’s episode: 1. As if we couldn’t have laughed hard enough just watching Chad and Daniel grunt and groan as they lifted weights like Hans and Franz, Chad actually gave us this little gem: “I {Read More}

8 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelor”

Lauren B. and Ben Higgins. Photo: Levy Moroshan/ABC

Ahhhh…the “Meet the Family” episode of The Bachelor. It’s usually my favorite, as it’s chalk-full of more cringeworthy moments than a Trump rally. Last night’s episode, however, left me completely unenthused. Don’t get me wrong – these people were weird, alright. Just not fun weird, and therein lies the problem. Either way, here are 8 things I learned from last night’s episode of The Bachelor: 1. The obligatory running-on-the-beach scene with Amanda’s kids was as awkward as everyone could have {Read More}

9 Things I Learned From Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelor”

ben higgins

Er. Mah. Gerd. The Bachelor is heating up despite Ben being about as edgy as a cotton ball due to the women going FULL CRAY. We’re talking stage five clingers here, folks. Here were my nine takeaways from last night’s doozy of an episode. What were yours? 1. If you chose to drink every time anyone said “amazing” or “connection” or “amazing connection” last night, you’ll be sicker than that time you thought it would be fun to drink an entire bottle {Read More}

Goop’s “Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts” List: LOLz

goopd_world view exp

Gwyneth Paltrow is so much fun to hate, isn’t she? I mean, the girl runs a lifestyle blog (majorly successful, I might add) without being in touch with anyone. On Earth. At all. Well, besides, maybe Madonna. I mean, the blog is called goop. Isn’t that just precious? She and her (I’m sure fahhhhhhbulously gay … not that there’s anything wrong with that) team of goopers came up with “The Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts” and I, for one, would just {Read More}

30 Facebook Buttons We’d Rather See Than “Dislike”

Facebook dislike

Much ado was made yesterday about the possibility of a “Dislike” button popping up on Facebook. I can tell you that many of us wish so-oo-oo-oo many other buttons would be given priority. I’ve shared 30 ideas we’d all prefer to see on Facebook more than the “dislike” button below: 1. Shut your piehole already. 2. Oh, the humblebrag again? Yawn. 3. Your food looks disgusting. 4. That’s amazeballs (NOT). 5. Stop saying “amazeballs” 6. Your mom 7. The Internet called to say, “SHUT THE {Read More}

12 Things I Learned From Last Night’s “Bachelor in Paradise”: Clare is Ancient

Cuckoo Clan

Bachelor in Paradise continues to exceed my every expectation in the Mindless TV category. Only The Walking Dead might compare in its ability to clench my butt cheeks, but zombies are a lot less scary than Clare Crawley after she’s been rejected. Shivers. Below are 12 things I took away from last night’s uber juicy episode: 1. Watching this show when you’re–ahem–39 is majorly depressing, as these folks consider Clare to be a fossil at 34. They are ready to put {Read More}

11 Things I Learned From The Bachelorette: Men Tell All

(Rick Rowell/ABC)

After sleeping or texting through most of the episodes during this season of The Bachelorette, the Men Tell All finally made my buns tingle with glee. Gaffes were made. Insults were hurled. Innuendoes abounded. And Chris Harrison played the perfect role of straight man that he was born to play. SQUEE! Below are 11 things I took away most from this gloriously juicy episode: 1. You have to admit JJ was the star of the show last night. When Chris Harrison confronted {Read More}

8 Things I Learned From Watching Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelorette”

The-Bachelorette-episode-8-recap

Guys, I’m dying here. This season of The Bachelorette is slowly killing my spirit, especially since I touted beforehand that this would most certainly be the best season yet. Fuck you, Chris Harrison, and your empty promises. I haven’t been this disappointed in a show since The Sopranos finale. Bading badaboom-just go away now, Kaitlyn. You and your overused vagina are aboot to make me cry tears of pure and utter disappointment … which probably taste like Bud Light Lime. {Read More}

7 Things I Learned From Watching Last Night’s Episode of The Bachelorette

bachelorette kaitlyn shawn

Well, well, well … who knew our lil’ miss Kaitlyn would reveal herself to be Whorrey McHarlot? She’s been spreading her saliva and other bodily fluids around at a record pace this season, and it’s left everyone–including us–scratching our heads. You see, Hester Prynne du Bachelorette does more than dabble in some off-camera shenanigans and has apparently let all the men believe they are going to be the one to put the lid on her Mt. Vesuvius-like hormones. Tsk…tsk…tsk… who {Read More}