She

woman eye

She knew she was pushing her luck walking to her car alone after class. Her best friend—who usually walked with her—was home sick. She stuck to the well-lit parts of the street. It didn’t matter. She couldn’t believe it. After everything he’d said about women, minorities, the disabled, and grabbing women by their pussies, he was elected. She wasn’t wearing headphones, as that would have been too dangerous. Still, she somehow missed his steps behind her. Her first indication about {Read More}

10 Lice Moms We All Know

Meredith The Office

Our kids have been back in school for a month or so and, in school math, that’s about 30 days for parasites to throw a party in which they all raise a glass and chime in, “It’s on like mother-friggin’ Donkey Kong.” And once you get lice for the first time you know that there ain’t no party like a lice-throwin’ party. We all know that feeling of the lice letter in our hands and the subsequent and immediate itch {Read More}

To Olive, With Love

pug

You were the softest pug in history. Of course, what came with that was endless dog hair everywhere, but I always accepted it because you were well worth it. The veterinarians who came to help you cross over couldn’t stop petting you and commenting on the softness of your hair. One of them asked if I wanted to keep some, and I joked that I probably had enough around my place to make another you. I wish I had taken {Read More}

2017: The Calm After the Storm

this too shall pass

For better or worse, this is the time of year when we begin to evaluate our lives. I noticed in my Facebook memories that I posted a lot of “Bye, Felicia” type jokes about 2016. The thing is, I feel way worse about 2017. Pfffft. I’m feeling very scorched earth if I’m being honest. The last two years have been filled with divorce, shitty ass friends who chose to look the other way when I was going through something awful, {Read More}

Halloween for Parents in 8 Depressing Steps

halloween penguin skunk

I f*cking love Halloween. I really do. In years past, I’ve honestly had my costume planned before my two boys. I’ve always loved it, ever since college. I’ve been Edward Scissorhands, the Unabomber (admittedly in poor taste), Flo from Progressive, David Bowie, a cowboy junkie (play on words with needles in my arms – what!?), and many, many more. To me, there’s nothing better than that moment when you think of a costume that is going to make someone laugh {Read More}

The Power of Hug-asana

Screen Shot 2017-10-02 at 12.42.49 PM

“I’m a comedy writer,” I tell myself daily. I love comedy. I love to laugh. My boys and I laugh until we cry many days. But the harsh truth of the matter is that it’s often masking the inner turmoil inside – depression has been my faithful companion for years and anxiety is simply a piece of me at this point – another appendage. Most comics struggle with addictions and depression so it’s not that surprising, but I wish I {Read More}

Do You Suffer From PMDBS? It’s Okay, You’re Not Alone

Pretty as a cookie; smart as a cupcake

Do you suffer from high expectations for Mother’s Day, only to be disappointed year in and year out? Do you think you’ll get breakfast in bed, macaroni art, and a trip to Paris? Le sigh. I get it. I, too, suffer from Post Mother’s Day Blues Syndrome (PMDBS). Symptoms include: ridiculous standards but fuck you because I deserve this, phenomenal letdown that can only be equated to the time when your hair stylist most definitely made you look like fat {Read More}

Why I’m Not Giving Up Complaining For Lent

bad days

Shhh … do you hear that? It’s the sound of sanctimony hitting Facebook in 3, 2, 1…Lent is coming, sinners! I kid, I kid, as I still believe in religion and its rites, rituals, and practices despite my current status as a fallen away Catholic. I’m floundering a bit or, I guess you could say, sans religion. But I’m still a big believer in God and spirituality and treating others as you’d like to be treated, so that ought to count {Read More}

15 Parenting Tips You Won’t Hear at Baby Showers

Best. Invention. Ever.

You know how at baby showers you’re often asked to put down your best parenting advice for the new mom-to-be? We all put down really lame stuff like “Sleep when the baby sleeps” and “Take lots of photos!” Cut the crap, people. Let’s get real with these friends. Here are some pearls of wisdom that new parents and, in particular, moms can actually use: Do not—under any circumstance—smell your kids’ clothes to see if they are dirty, particularly if they’re {Read More}

The Trump Non-Apology

we-can-disagree

On the night of the election, I said “Please let love win.” I was a bit embarrassed to put that out there, as I knew hardcore political people would scoff at it. I mean, this is an election, not a touchy-feely friendship contest. I’ve only recently gotten political, which I’m sure some Facebook friends find hard to believe based on my fervor. I hated Political Science and would simply memorize the answers to get a good grade – not to {Read More}