I’m CE-Mother Fucking-O, Bitch!

I have a confession to make, and I hate to admit this, as I don’t like to criticize other women. In fact, I’m very against all the bashing I see from women to other women on the many parenting blogs I visit. But here it is: I have been known to eye-roll when SAHMs list their occupation on Facebook as “CEO” of their household. I get that it’s supposed to be somewhat tongue in cheek but I can’t help but feel as thought it smacks of embarrassment or shame … like they might as well just throw it out there, lest others whisper that she’s “just a mom.”

“Hey, I already know that! Haven’t you seen my cheeky occupation on Facebook?”

As long as I’m really being negative, I also sigh when I read all the articles about people getting defensive when asked what it is they do all day. First of all, I would just kick someone in the genitalia if they asked me that. Second of all, if you feel good about it, why do you care? You know in your heart that’s a rude question, right? I worry that people are going to think that many of us SAHMs have giant chips on our shoulders. The reality is, there’s no easy job here. Either you’re leaving the kids and working the daily grind or you’re breaking up fights between two little dickheads. All. Day. Long. Oh, sorry, that got oddly personal there for a second. In fact, I’ve been looking for a full time job as of late, as this SAHM thing has really gotten the better of me. It’s hard shit, yo. And I’m trying to freelance write to boot. Many days, I’m bitter and spent and stressed and just downright miserable. I’ve been known to cling to my husband’s legs as he leaves for business trips, yelling, “Take me with you!” That’s only a slight exaggeration too.

I’ve been on both sides of the coin. I’ve been the working mom and the SAHM and, as I stated above, they are both hard. I also recall the bile that rose up in my throat during my single, kidless days as I did my 50-minute commute into work while living in LA. All the cute SAHMs in Manhattan Beach would be on their morning walks with their adorable baby strollers that cost more than my first car. “Look at them in their Juicy sweats and their little, toned asses. Some us have to WORK!” I’d think to myself. I often hoped I could catch them at the corner while driving through a big ass puddle but DAMMIT it never fucking rains in LA, people! What I hadn’t considered back then (as I didn’t know any better) was how hard being at home was for some (if not all) of these women. They were likely elbows deep in shitty diapers and boogies, missing their days of high heels and dirty martinis. Some of them may have been battling postpartum depression. Some of them may have been facing that their maternity leave was nearly over. You just never know.

I’m glad that I’ve seen what both are like, and I know the rigors of the SAHM. I only have two kids, one of whom is not even in school yet (only preschool), and I still feel like I’ve been shit out of the ass of a giant rhino each night. It’s exhausting. I’m packing lunches, planning parties, and trying to keep my house from looking like it’s primed for an episode of Hoarders: SAHM Edition. There’s sports to sign them up for, music lessons, and about a bazillion meals to make. There are boo boos to kiss, games to attend, and school plays to record. There are school drop-offs, school pick-ups, and homework up the wazoo. There are fundraisers, volunteering, and motherfucking playdates (not a fan). There are bullying issues, hurt feelings to soothe, and lectures to give. The minutiae of it can get ridonkulous, as there are “wear orange” days, “dress like a cowboy/cowgirl” days, and other days that I’m pretty sure are designed to drive those of us who are organizationally challenged absolutely bonkers. And let’s not forget we’re molding little people’s lives for God’s sake. Shit is getting real up in here.

If you’re a SAHM, you are likely in a pretty good scenario. Either your husband makes a good deal of dough (high five), you have a nest egg (high five), you’re a trustefarian (high five), or you’ve decided that this is so important to you that you’re foregoing material things to be able to do it (high five). Any which way you cut it, you pretty much rock … whether you binge watch House of Cards all day or you clean and cook like a MoFo. So the next time someone asks you if work or if you’re a SAHM or what it is you do all do, I give you permission to say, “I’m CE-Mother Fucking-O, Bitch!” in your best Jesse Pinkman voice. ‘Cause you need to own that shit.

gif_crazy mama

PEACE OUT. <end rant>

 

 

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Comments

  1. shannon5757 says:

    Two thumbs up from this one!

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