Octomom Nominated for Porn Awards — Bow Chicka Wow Wow

Moms — did you hear the amazing news about one of our own? Nadya Suleman, aka “Octomom,” has been nominated for four AVN (porn) Awards her “solo porn tape.” Did anyone think she’d be able to coax an actual partner into having sex with her? Of course it’s a solo sex tape! We’ve all heard the term “it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway,” but you’ve gotta think that’d be more like throwing a sausage into the mouth of the Grand Canyon. The video is called “Octomom Home Alone”. YAWN. At least come up with something clever, like “Life of Smelly Pi” or “The Expandables: A Story of A Stretched Out Vagina” or “She Wrecked It, We Ralphed” or “Hey, How About I Get a Fucking Job and Take Care of My Eight Kids?” That last one would obviously be a documentary, though.

ā€œIā€™m totally honored and blown away to even be nominated,” she told The Huffington Post. “It was a fun and life changing experience for me to make the movie.ā€ Blown away! Blown! Get it? See what she did there? She claims she doesn’t see another one in her future, but I can already see it now: “Octomom: Still Home Alone”. Hey Lady, you know who else is home alone? Your eight fucking kids! They’d probably be better off with a Tickle Me Elmo, a Costco card, and a “Raising Kids for Dummies” book.

If you dare, go to her site for a free preview. If you’re like me, your first reaction will be, who the hell is that and who lent their bike pump to blow up those nasty, sticky lips? That can’t be the only thing on her that’s sticky, btw. Ewwww. And who told her that long sideburns are hot? Movember’s ovah, and hopefully so is your porn career. Come on, we’re on the same page that no one wants to see a 37-year-old mom of eight diddling herself, right? Anyone? Anyone? If you do, it’s some sort of bizarre fetish, and you need to seek help immediately.

The Mayans predicted the end of the world be TODAY, folks. And then I read this story. Coinkydink? I think not.

Nadya Suleman Octomom

Is this the face of porn or what?

 

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