Pinterest Has Ladies Feeling All Funny *Down There*

Pinterest someecards

First of all – there are some posts that require earmuffs – or the equivalent for online writing that my dad wouldn’t approve of  — so, Dad, this is your cue.  Exit, stage left.

On to a simple fact for all the ladies – your men all have spank banks.  (Dad, I wasn’t kidding.  Go away now).  I won’t go into an explanation, other than to say that Angelina Jolie is a given in all of them, and they make withdrawals — often.  But what I’ve come to realize is that women have a whole different side to erotica these days.  Fifty Shades of Grey is steamy (albeit poorly written drivel), but there’s something else that really gets our juices flowing –it’s called Pinterest.  Didn’t you just feel a little tingle in the nethers just reading it?  Go ahead, admit it.  Cue the porn music*  Bow, chicka, bow, bow.  And now, Jimmy Fallon doin’ his slow jams.  You’ve got the mood pictured then, gals?  Let’s proceed…

It’s an orgasm for the eyes and, for those of us who’ve always appreciated a challenge (okay, that’s all of us) when it comes to the thrill of the chase, Pinterest epitomizes all that we’ll never be.  With a whole host of recipes that only the most daring of cooks shall try, outfits only runway models can wear, and decorating tips that only Martha Stewart will ever attempt, it’s the fucking Mt. Everest of social media.  Few actually attempt to reach the summit (or climax, if you will), and none of those who’ve tried have lived to tell about it.  Men, just equate this to golf and you’ll know what we mean.

Some schmo recently claimed to have actually located the G Spot.  Kudos to you, good sir, but we’re much busier fondling our own areas, and we much prefer the P Spot.  Got a few minutes to spare?  Feel that mouse in your hand, and you get all steamy just thinking about spending those precious few seconds pinning the shit out of crock pot recipes, homemade (read: shitty ass crap that they all hate) teacher gifts, and Halloween crafts.  Awwwwww, yeah.

Back to you, Men.  Next time you’re with your gal pal and she’s giving you a lot of the “Yeah baby, right there, baby, hmmmms,” you might think you’ve got the moves like Jagger but — chances are, she actually caught a glimpse of the iPad and she’s fantasizing about the next time she gets to touch the not-so-elusive P Spot.

 

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