The Bachelor Fantasy Suite (Somewhat Snoozy) Episode: 10 Noteworthy Moments

Monkeys and virgins and Bali, oh my! It surely won’t go down as the raciest of Fantasy Suite episodes but a few chuckles were had in our household. Below, I’ve shared 10 of my faves. Feel free to share your own!

Photo: Denton Hanna/ABC

Photo: Denton Hanna/ABC

1. Becca seemed awfully afraid of becoming Patient Zero with some sort of funky monkey virus but she forgets – she slept in the Bachelor Mansion … where STDs go to thrive.

2.The boat driver may have been the best part of last night’s episode.

3. Chris basically sits around his farmhouse in Iowa in his grunders, scratching his balls and counting his farts. We saw your town, Dude! YOU NEED TO SELL THIS SHIT.

4. Kaitlyn dodged a bullet … a really slow, boring bullet that would kill you with its sheer power of milquetoastiness.

5. The rose ceremony was allegedly held in “one of the most special and sacred temples in Bali.” Nothing says “special” and “sacred” than a reality show that just concluded its boning extravaganza fantasy suite episode. Schwing!

6. Becca was touting her virginity like it was this blessed and rare jewel up on a pedestal of lily white flowers until she caught one glimpse of the fantasy suite and I’m pretty sure I heard her say, “Bow chicka bow wow.”

7. Speaking of that, if he did de-flower her and the next morning they had the talk about her not being ready to move to Iowa for him that says a little something to me … little being the operative word. Perhaps the farmer didn’t rev her tractor. Maybe he didn’t fertilize her loins with the seeds of sexy goodness. Maybe little Chris isn’t so good at plowing an unfertilized field. Okay, I’ll stop now.

8. I’ll give Chris one thing after watching the season thus far. Dude has an amazing poker face. Virginity? Suicidal husband? Virginity … again? Playboy? He nary shows a twitch. Nerves of steel, that guy.

baby meme

9. If I were Whitney, I would punch myself in the face as hard as possible in the hopes it would lower my voice ten octaves.

10. Can we please stop reading the card about the fantasy suite and just skip to the real question: DO YOU WANT TO SAMPLE THE GOODS OR WHAT?

 

 

 

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