The Top 10 Celebrities Who ( I Think) Should Not Have Fragrances

Paris Hilton perfume

Hmmm…I smell sex tape.

As I was shopping to squelch my depression over this week-long virus that has hovered over our home, I came across a lot of celebrity fragrances. “Really?” I thought. “Really?” Someone wants to smell like Lady Gaga? Because I imagine it smells like mothballs mixed with the scent of cheap motel sex. I once tried on Sarah Jessica Parker’s fragrance because I’ve loved me some SJP ever since Sex and the City. But you know what that smells like? Body odor. Honestly. B.O. Does SJP have body odor and, more importantly, does she like the scent and want others to reek of it? I had to do a bit of research on the subject, and you would not believe how many of these douchenozzles have their own scents. So here is my list of…

THE TOP 10 CELEBRITIES WHO SHOULD NOT HAVE FRAGRANCES (AND, OF COURSE, THE REASONS WHY):

In no particular order, as shtank is shtank…

Britney Spears — Curious Heart — yeah, I’m curious, that’s for sure. Who the fuck would want to smell like this washed up skank? I’m guessing it’s a dangerous and potent mix of Red Bull, Cheetos, and gas station bathrooms.

Paris Hilton — Can Can — come on. Just come on! I Can’t Can’t even fucking believe this one. If you want to smell like dirty underpants and a scorching case of herpes, knock yourself out.

Avril Lavigne — Forbidden Rose — To put it in words Avril might understand, I’d H8 this. I do not want to smell like Brody Jenner’s sloppy seconds. Ewwww.

Carmen Electra — Carmen Electra — by putting her name right on there, she’s basically telling you that you’ll smell just like her, which is great if you want to smell like nasty vag (pron. vadge).

Mariah Carey — M — this has got be a bizarre mix of high maintenance and desperation — probably smells a bit like flowers after they’ve been sitting in dirty water for a month.

Rihanna — Rebelle — Do you want to smell like Chris Brown’s fist? Yeah, me neither. Fragrance Fail.

Taylor Swift — Wonderstruck — Taylor Swift is as cute as a button, but a fragrance? We are never, ever, ever getting back together. Like ever.

Katy Perry — Meow — designed to not only affect your sense of smell, but to ruin your hearing, thus rendering you a fan of her music. The horror!

Derek Jeter — Driven — you know how they say that, when you sleep with someone, you sleep with everyone they’ve slept with? Take one sniff of this bad boy and you have to drive yourself to the ER to treat a host of STDs by osmosis.

Nicki Minaj — Pink Friday — have you ever opened a bar on a Sunday morning after a raucous Saturday night of 20 somethings drinking Red Bull ‘n’ Vodkas, throwing up, and then having sex in the bathroom? Yeah, they bottled that.

*Photo Courtesy of Missy Closery Blog.

 

 

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