TOP TEN ALTERNATIVE BABY NAMES FOR NORTH WEST

As if we all needed more of a reason to loathe Kimye but now they’ve gone and done it. We’ve all heard the ridonkulous shit these celebs try to pull off — Pilot Inspektor (Way to go, Jason Lee! You fucking moron!). Apple (We’re just surprised Gwyneth didn’t name her “Goop”). Blanket (As in you’ll need this for security after I molest the shit out of you). And now Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, who are two of the most loathsome creatures to ever get together and procreate, had to get in on the game of scarring your kids for life. As if we weren’t poised to pounce after the latest installment of the nauseating “K” names. ¬†Kockknockers. Now we get word that the self-absored celebu-assholes went and named their girl “North”. Yes, that is North West. As a society, we’ve definitely lost our true north. They think they’re going to appease the masses by telling us all they’re going to call her “Nori”. Kome on. You just want us to hate you fuckers. That HAS to be it.

In the interest of making fun of them since we can’t actually punch them in their faces like we’d all like to, I decided to see if I could help come up with a name for Kimye Baby. After all, I didn’t know the whole thing was a joke. Since it is, I’m going in for the…

baby crying

Kry Baby

*This is not Kimye’s baby

TOP TEN ALTERNATIVE BABY NAMES FOR NORTH WEST:

1. Mid West

2. $$$ (nickname Ca-Ching) West

3. Vision K’West (Kim would love the “K,” of course)

4. Hyphen West (a cutesy name to go with first cousin, “Dash”)

5. Road-Trip West (future friend of Pilot Inspektor)

6. Truly B’West (for those of us who love Elmer Fudd)

7. Going ? West (for the future hitchhiker)

8. P.S. West (Short for Publicity Stunt)

9. Spawnye West

10. Surely-You-Jest West (don’t ever call her “surely”)

If you ever need help with your baby moniker, I’m your gal. You’re welcome.

 

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